You planted flowers.
There was nothing but concrete and grey
God that grey. Suffocating. Stifling grey.
And wretched looking people and their wretched looking pets
Another siren in the distance.
But you planted flowers.
And I was on the bus
And though you don’t know me
I feel somehow you do.
So please keep them watered
Because it matters .
It matters to me.
NO we can’t be friends
Why would you even ask ?
When you know that your skin beside mine
Is nothing short of water to a parched tree
I can’t just pretend to like you
It would all seep out in the end
No you are lover not friend.
My hands can’t shake yours
Nor my lips mutter pleasantries
When inside I’m a cavern of want
You will haunt
But better as a memory …please
Friendship is just a tease.
Thanks you guys
You have taught me well
This messing me around shit
Has given me Hell.
Will he reply ? Will he text?
What’s happening now ?
What happens next?
Thanks y’all for making me feel crazy
The last few years are somewhat hazy
Constant confusion , up and down moods
Wondering how anyone could be so rude?
But still I thank you
Because now you see
I too can be a player
Not just a playee.
This karma thing it really works
So lashings of gratitude to all you jerks.
All I want to do is sleep
Because being without you is being stuck to the hands of a clock
I feel every second jolt my core
Time isn’t like before.
It used to fly. Remember?
Just yesterday I floated on weightless sand
Upside down in an hourglass
Then right back up again.
Now it’s just circles.
And they never fucking end.
Barnacles of guilt cling to my underbelly
Ugly protrusions that only I can see
They form the frame of me
This terrible guilt. This terrible guilt.
I wish. I wish. I wish I were a fish.
What’s the point of wishing ?
Better to go fishing.
I’m no ordinary vessel though
I’m tethered to the shore
Forever wanting more
The salty water is furrowing my bow
The seagulls laughing because I hold no plunder
No electricity here.
I hear whales singing or rather I feel it in my neck
My hull.my skull.
Echoes of all the wrongs I ever did
The ones I hid
They re the ones that stick
Gouge them off with a sharp blade ?
You think I haven’t tried?
Water laps at the edges of me. A little acid from a world gone mad for things that never fade.
Eroding my core. Reminding me I’m a wh….
The rope is taking longer to fray
Soon I’ll be a skeleton ship.
Tied at the hip.
Soon I’ll be a frame. Only a frame
With creatures chewing my brain.
Those barnacles though. Well they ‘ll just cling to some other thing. Something good.
Rock not wood.
I’m pressed up against your atmosphere
Gazing longingly at your world
I want to get closer but
You are miles away and I would kill your air if I got any closer
There are holes in this o zone
And I can’t fill them or pass through
I’m neither here or there
Hot, cold air.
Cold. So cold.
If I look behind me there is endless black
So I stay.
Face squashed against the one thing you can’t live without
And the only thing keeping me here.
I split my heart in two.
This is no mean feat
It isn’t just cutting meat.
There is a hacking, a gnawing
A cracking of what was whole
And I have become a child again
Learning to use these new organs
Uncertain whether I should have made the first cut.
A sliver may have been wiser
Less to chew. Unlikely to choke.
A girl with two hearts
Is a bit of a joke.