I’m locked in again
This silly brain. This silly head.
When there are people worse off than me.
I’m not even badly off.
I feel this ‘bourgeois’ sickness get the better of me
But it feels real.If feels fucking real to me.
As real as bombs. As real as drought.
Don’t roll your eyes at me but tell me:
Where does this darkness come from?
Why won’t it let me go?
Yesterday the leash was loose and free
I ran and ran then ..
Choke. Yank. Choke.
I can’t get away from it.
It’s tethered in heavy weights.
I know it’s always there but I still run too fast.
Leap too high.
Reach for elusive sky.
Today I see the world and I am not part of it.
Yesterday I was dew on the grass, vapor on screens
Rolling towards the seas.
Now I’m puddle and mud
Where does this darkness come from ?
Did it follow me from another life?
Do I deserve to feel this way?
I will never be who I want to be.
I will never meet the river, never see the fish.
All I can do is wish:
That the sun will heat me up and I can rise as a vapor
And fall as a rain.
There are different paths to the ocean
There are different types of pain.