Crazy Lazy

crazy-lazy

Please don’t call me lazy

I know I’ve been on the couch all day

But I have been running around

Lost and never found.

These thoughts of mine are more tiring than you can imagine

They keep me here.

Trapped in fear.

Please don’t call me lazy.

I know I’m not dressed. I know I’m a mess.

Today I am bathed in anxiety and stress.

Putting on clothes for what ? For who ? For you ?

I’m not lazy. I’m not.

I’m in a bad spot.

Where everything I try is just too fucking much.

Where everything I touch

Turns to shit.

Don’t call me lazy.

But do call me crazy.

Because that’s how I feel.

That’s more real.

And although you may not relate

It’s a more honest state.

Crazy is better than lazy

If lazy even exists.

But there is a shimmer. There is a light..

Today I write.

(c) Slumpless

Haunted

HauntedYou will haunt me forever

For sending me to the brink

For making me think

I was losing my mind

Was I ? Did I ?

I still hold onto your words

Which seem absurd now

Considering this.

Considering, considering

That’s what I do when it comes to you.

I will always look for answers in your silence

It’s not golden

I’m beholden.

Oh I wish I had never started it

But then why do I still look for you ?

(C) Slumpless

Elsewhere

The tip of your tongue

Is moments away from the core of me.

Your warm breath on my inner leg

Radiates inwards, upwards.

Your hand splayed on my stomach

Is all the comfort I will ever need.

All aspects of you are linked to me

In those heady moments.

But I am wrong.

I was wrong.

Your mind was elsewhere.

You are elsewhere.

(c) Slumpless

 

Other

Other

Stay with me

Don’t go back to her

Don’t take your hand from my hip

Your brow from my lip.

Stay all day

Stay forever

Because when you leave

I am other

While now I am it

As your fingers play with my…..

(c) Slumpless

The Workings Of Me

The Workings Of ME.png

I felt the cutting in my blood

A little sharp tingling  and suddenly  more

My guts spilled out

All over the floor.

Sharing my innards with the world

Absurd. Absurd. Absurd.

The beautiful skin I’m in… is gone

Now all you can ever see

Are the grimy, slimy, workings of me.

This inexplicable desire to share

Makes me in-human

So please beware.

I will spill my guts on the floor

You’ll want less because I give more.

It doesn’t pour but it will always rain

When you show the world your inner pain.

(c) Slumpless

 

 

 

Clouds

clouds-2

Oh silver lining

Please keep shining

Come and meet me. Greet me.

I have looked for you for hours

But you are locked in towers.

Doors of lead are stronger than you.

Than me.

And those clouds are black without you

Full of water, full of soak

And I’m just a joke

My eyes searching for the glimmer

That hopeful shimmer

That will let me see tomorrow

That will allow me to live

Oh silver lining. Give. Give.

Give!

(c) Slumpless

I’m not that kind

 

 

I'm not that kind (2).png

You said I was kind

As I gave him a few coins on the way to lunch.

You said I was generous

Because I bought him coffee on a cold day.

But I’m not that kind.

I’m just on a thin ledge between his world and mine

Too aware I could lose it all today

The anxiety and depression could take it all away.

So believe me

That when I give

I also take.

I take away the hope.

That one day if I’m sitting where he is

Shivering in my dark world.

A hand might reach out to me.

And that hand might be yours

But it will also be mine.

(c) Slumpless

Paralyzed

I’m frozen here again

Afraid.

Of what exactly ? 

What’s so damn terrifying?

The faces. The faces. The faces.

They float in front of me.

Full of pity. 

Worse .. are the rolling eyes.

Sick again. Again. Again.

I watch TV and for a second I forget.

Forget this mind that shackles me to the floor.

My spirit gets up and walks out the door.

But that’s just for a moment, that passes by

I’m still on the couch waiting to die.

(c) Slumpless

Thud

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I fought a good fight

But tonight I need to rest

Lay my head against your chest.

I need to stop for  a while

Caus I won’t be any good

Without that gentle

Thud.Thud. Thud.

I can fight again tomorrow

I will get up again and start

But for now, just for now

I need your precious heart.

(c) Slumpless