Color Blind

girl-worried-1215261_1920.jpg

I fought this grey with every inch of my pink scarf

With every morsel of my orange bag

I tried to push through opaque

Waft past the fog

But I was outnumbered by endless cloud.

It clogged the soul of me

Dampened down any colour you might see

I faded into the mist

I fade…….

(c) Slumpless

Advertisements

Pages and Ages

 

You are a reluctant passenger on this sphere (1)

I will clamber through the ages

Search through infinite pages

Sift through songs

Get it all wrong

Over and over and over

Again and again and again

Until the bittersweet end

For you I have no shame

Just endless,senseless pain

For a shrug and a sigh

I will try and try and try.

Will you ever try to forgive?

So that I might actually live.

(c) Slumpless

 

Your Reluctant Life

You are a reluctant passenger on this sphere

You look like you just fell out of bed

Your morning breath and messy head

You’re smiling though which is good sign

So maybe today we might be fine.

Oh no. Wait. Damn.

You think I’m not looking.

Your smile is gone.

You’re just a bag of bones under that grin

And there’s nothing I can do.

Nothing I can say to make it right.

I’m sorry your world is so hard

That every day is a shard

Into your sad soul.

You don’t greet the day

You are a reluctant passenger on this sphere

Is your end near?

Every time I leave you, I say goodbye.

(c) Slumpless

 

The ‘Real’ Me

night-1909617_1280

‘I’m great thanks, I really think I have a handle on it, this time.’

I smiled and hoped she wouldn’t see the lack of twinkle in my eye

The lack of soul. It had gone away for the day.

Nothing happening here.

I was a shell on a chair.

All I could do was stare.

She has pity and I feel shitty.

I don’t want to seem weak… bleak.

I only give the tip of the berg

But there are mountains in this deep sea

To get to the real me.

Unexplored and dark.

Better leave it alone.

Don’t you think ?

Better not to sink.

Stay afloat. Stay afloat.

‘I’m fine thanks’.

What a beautiful cloak those words are.

I nestle into them well.

But underneath I’m naked.

(c) Slumpless

Livewire

‘Oh you’re a wiry one’

She would say this without malice but the words hurt all the same.

Did she mean sharp? I have a sharp tongue I’m told and it slices strips off you.

Maybe she meant that I could never sit still

That there was a tremor in my blood

Electricity always running through my core

Well I tell you, I’m electric no more.

‘Is there a pulse?’ I hear this in the distance but all I see is her face and slow thud of my heart fading.

‘ A wiry one’. I smile inside.

I’ll ask her what she meant.

(C) Slumpless 

Just a pill

woman-1958723_1920.jpg

I am writing this post to highlight the effect contraceptive pills can have on your mental health. Ladies I’m not dissuading you from contraception but rather asking you to be aware of the effects it can have on your moods and not be afraid to try various options until you find the right one. ‘May cause mood swings’ sounds so benign but based on my personal experiences those mood swings can make you and break you:

It’s just a pill.. try it and see

But that pill could break me

The world can turn black on that little white sphere

You don’t understand?

You’ve seen ‘The Matrix’?

Well it’s the same… ish

I mean this pill has powers to change my world

To remove the illusion of the life I lead

It can create pools of bubbling anger I never knew I had

Make the green eyed monster appear.

But I’m no ‘Neo’

When I’m in it , I can’t fight.

Can’t see the light.

So no it’s not just a pill

It’s not just a mood swing

It’s is the pendulum and I am in the pit.

(c)Slumpless

Silly Me (Inspired by Death In Venice)

death in venice.jpg

Mahler was playing.

Suddenly I knew who I was.

I know what you are.

Boy. Forever boy.

I the decrepit voyeur,

Gazing upon your beauty.

Grazing upon your strength.

You will never see me…

We can never be

You will always frolic in the sea.

The sun caressing your golden hair

While I long to be the beams .. the water, the air.

Instead I am beached whale on a deck chair

Life has made its cruel marks on my visage

While your look perfect comme les nuages

You skim through life without a care

Forever young. Forever fair.

Oh silly me. Silly rabbit.

Gorging on you is my ridiculous habit.

I’ve eaten too much I clutch at my chest

The sun is setting

Probably for the best.

(c)Slumpless

death in venice 2.jpg