Where do I draw the line ?
When does being the bigger person, make you feel small ?
Another apology on righteous ears
To stop my tears ?
Is it brave to forgive ?
Better to forget and live ?
Maybe courage is just letting go
Of something old,borrowed and blue.
I was just an option
A page in your twirling filofax
Did I win ?
Is it me today ?
I had torn the pages out of my book
Burnt some of them.
You were it.
A,B,C all the way to Xxx
Now I’ve got the hump
I feel like a chump.
The sharp, piercing blade of your mouth
Shredded me to confetti
I was airborne. Torn.
Was it better to be scattered though?
Perhaps the pieces of me held together by comfortable glue
Were now going places.
Each tiny, fluttering scrap had eyes to see.
More vision than the old me.
And when this ache of being hacked up fades
All the tiny fragments will return to the fold
And I will be wiser, braver and bold.
It wasn’t just the salt on my skin
The golden shimmer on the rippling shore
It wasn’t my immersion into cool sloshing waves
Nor the sweet grip of the tide on my back.
I lay, bobbing on the ever changing surface
And felt the swell take over me.
It wasn’t just the swimming
It was the giving of myself to a power greater than my limbs could fathom
The surrender to a pull that knows no end
Ruled by moon perhaps but I prefer the tilting theory
A basin tipped by a whirling sphere
A sphere tipped by an unknow hand.
So I dove under.
Forgot the orange peel that had beached me for years
The uneven tone of a too many wobbling folds.
I swam. I swam. I swam.
I was mermaid for a day until the dusky touch of a falling sun
Beckoned me back to shore.
You must be made of bitter stuff
How else are you able to sting so much ?
The very tongue I thought was made of honey
The fingers that stopped my rattles
Are spears, dipped in vinegar
And you pour it into my wounds
Like I’m a newspaper full of fries.
Lies. LIES. Lies.
You undermined everything with spiralling secrets.
And now I can’t see the sky for the trees
The love for the pleas
The never ending clockwork circle
I’m wound up.
Turning like a silly soldier
Into the fire but no little tin heart.
Just a puddle where I was once a thing
For you to play with then burn.
Only smart if you are….I’m not.
I proved that.
I descended into the proverbial rabbit hole
I just couldn’t stop myself. The heat it generated in my skull should keep the battery going for years.
Hours of searching for something I was never even sure existed
By trying to prove to myself I wasn’t crazy … I became just that.
Lock me out. Of it. Of life. Of me.
You fought until the bitter end
I’ll give you that at least
All the proof in front of me
You thought it was behind you.
You were like a cornered bird.
But at least they can fly.
You had nowhere to go
You turned into a festering mass
And I wondered how I ever saw anything else
Where were your soft, gentle hands ?
Where was your kind heart?
One lie down.
How many more ?