You don’t know it but I still lug you around
Close to the ground
You weigh more than you should and I still don’t know why
And sometimes when I least expect it
You fall on the floor
All the remnants of what we were
Lie scattered about for all to see.
I’m getting better though
Better at packing you away.
At folding all those wrinkles out.
And someday(when I’m ready)
I will leave you behind in on a train
And you will be the one who is lost.
You tricked me into adoring you
You whispered songs in my ear and kissed my neck
I thought you were a gift
And in those moments I can see
That I rewrote my life for you
And even though I lost the plot
I worked you into my lines
Twisted you through the verses of my ways.
So now that you can walk past me in the street
Without a blink.Without a wink.
I wonder were our pages ever filled?
I called you an eraser before
But now I think you're highlighter.
Because you have shown me the errors of my ways
And though it has been ages and ages
I'm ready to remove you from my pages.
You scrambled my legs
Macerated my brains
I’m all sorts of jam but no preserve.
You liquefy the bones of me
Turn my organs to pulp.
I can’t speak. I gulp.
With just a lick and a nibble
All I can do is dribble.
I’ve turned into quite the fool
Standing in a pool of drool.
I broke the corners of my soul
And gave you those lonely edges
They tasted like me you said
Mostly good but tainted with need.
'Is that bad?' I said.
'It will be your undoing.'
You were right of course.
And as I unfurl the remainder of my curled up love
I see it is blackened by our plight.
Blue is our colour
Pools of sapphire that light up your face
And my day.
Your soft cerulean jumper.
That I long to touch but never do.
The azure oceans where one day we might swim
But probably never will.
The kind of movie our lovemaking would inspire
Set the world on fire
Put out with my indigo tears.
Yes it’s definitely our colour
And it’s certainly mine
That glacial feeling
When I have to leave
The colour of a dying heart on my sleeve.
I’m preparing for the next world
My dreams tell me so.
The worlds to which I travel
Night by night I move closer to the light.
Or is it dark?
Which is better?
I have always preferred dusk.
There are seas of souls floating in misty lakes
People I’ve never met.
I will be a new person soon
I will get another start.
Did I mess up this life I wonder?
Did I sleep through it all ?
Some of us were made to dream
Some to plough soil.
Don’t blame me for the ethereal life
Although I try not to blame myself.
In the next one I won’t.
In the next one I will try to remember my original sin
Do we carry the memories through instinct? Gut feeling?
I hope so.
At least then I might have the inner strength of all the ‘me’s’ before.
Each life I live or have lived will propel me through those mists to the better body
The better life.
I hope I don’t forget my struggles.
I hope I’m kinder.
At least I will get to be a child again.
But I’ll miss this.
I hope your skin on mine will feel the same next time around.
I don’t shave my legs when I come to meet you.
It’s the only way.
My petty vanity will save the day.
Not your wife. Not your child. All the should not’s won’t keep you safe.
It’s those tiny bristles that act like thistles.
Those thorns on my castle.
But I’m no sleeping beauty and your kiss will never wake me up.