Oh you have worn me down.
Pressing the tips of your calloused hands against my heart.
Stop. Stop. Restart.
I can’t take much more of this.
Just as I think the last drop, the last atom is gone
‘You have me at hello?’
Well you floored me with it.
And I tried to be casual.
I promise I did.
But this heart of mine still holds your prints
And it’s held up with splints
I’m a joke. A clown.
A lingering fool.
Jelly string on a spool.
I mean nothing to you
And that’s never happened me before.
I have never been cast aside like a whore.
But you stopped me with silence.
But that silence was a roar.
I’m still sore. I’m still sore.
So why do I want more?
I look for comfort in billowing spume.
Thunderous. Luminous. Vicious.
Circular motion then thundering roar
That’s where my heart can soar.
That body. That body.
That mass. Oh my.
I can barely hear the seagulls cry.
I seek comfort in it’s swishy gurgle
Its undulating moves.
Its undertow , high and low.
I can ride this beast
But can never conquer it’s swell.
I’m driftwood .
Bobbing. Bobbing. Babbling.
Rushing to shore. Rushing to shore.
Then poof….. No more.
No more me.
Only soft yellow sands
Formed from a million things that were once tough as rock.
But are now full of footprints.
I’ll burrow deeper into feather, into soft downy threads
Nestle and settle in a ball in this bed
Escape my head.
Escape you. All of you.
I need time at sea. Time to see.
To dream away this life of grime.
Time… so much time.
This life of traffic, of murk.
I’ll float in nothing for a while longer
Until I’m stronger
But little hands land on my head
Soft cheeks settle on my pillow
‘Are you ok mum? Are you asleep?’
For little voice I’m drawn out of the deep.
I hug little hands close to me
Under the cover
For now hibernation is over.
My fermenting thoughts, turned you to wine.
Better than grape but not as sweet
Warbling like a stream through my pretty veins
Making me babble like a brook
Black lips, giving you away.
Giving me away.
And though I swirl you about my mouth
I never spit you out.
I will never tire of you, just as you are
Sublime perfection, shining in the soft sunshine.
But I can already feel you wilting..tilting towards other flowers
And I have always been ivy
Climbing the walls,
Clinging too tight.
Needing to be ‘cut back’.
They don’t say ‘Ivy power’ do they ?
You hold all the cards petal.
And soon the light will fade.
But where you need heat
I survive in the shade.
Your glycerin love washes over me
I’m in a lather
A right palava
Soaked to the bone with your sudsy desire
Wet but no fire.
I’m bubbling at the skin
Living in soapy sin.
You slip and slide
Giving me hope
Soap on a rope
But with every rub and scrub
Every wallow and soak
You don’t know it but I still lug you around
Close to the ground
You weigh more than you should and I still don’t know why
And sometimes when I least expect it
You fall on the floor
All the remnants of what we were
Lie scattered about for all to see.
I’m getting better though
Better at packing you away.
At folding all those wrinkles out.
And someday(when I’m ready)
I will leave you behind on a train
And you will be the one who is lost.