You’re tiring of me
Quick as quick
I can already feel the limpness in your dick.
What a pity. What a shame.
The fire between us , isn’t eternal flame.
So, so sad. So, so tragic.
That I can no longer work my magic.
‘Treat you mean and keep you keen’?
A kick to the guts? A jab to spleen?
Must I really become a shard
In order for you to get hard?
Screw it. Let this thing end
Before we are no longer friends.
I look for comfort in billowing spume.
Thunderous. Luminous. Vicious.
Circular motion then thundering roar
That’s where my heart can soar.
That body. That body.
That mass. Oh my.
I can barely hear the seagulls cry.
I seek comfort in it’s swishy gurgle
Its undulating moves.
Its undertow , high and low.
I can ride this beast
But can never conquer it’s swell.
I’m driftwood .
Bobbing. Bobbing. Babbling.
Rushing to shore. Rushing to shore.
Then poof….. No more.
No more me.
Only soft yellow sands
Formed from a million things that were once tough as rock.
But are now full of footprints.
What is a biscuit made, without you to taste it?
Sheets changed without you to loll in their fresh glory?
What is a dance in the kitchen
Without you to tease me.. please me.
A walk in the woods
How is it made good?
Tell me this. Tell me more.
I beg. I implore.
I cannot see the point without you.
Lots of dark clouds. No blue.
But sometimes when I stop and taste the soup
Smell the candle burning
I stop yearning.
Just promise me you won’t be cruel
When the time comes to sever these threads
You won’t turn us to shreds.
I look at your face as I lie on your chest
And hope for the best.
But I’ve done this before
And the cut was pure gore, sore.
Please. Please. No more.
So be gentle as you are now
When you lick my leg
Make me beg.
Promise that when you no longer long for this touch
That when I don’t mean much
Just promise you’ll be kind.
And I promise I won’t linger
I won’t be a loser
If I have proper closure.
What are you trying to tell me, universe?
Please speak to me. Make me see.
Just as I think the last drop of him is gone
Just as I pat myself on the back and guzzle down a drink of happiness
Then all my certainty is gone again.
All the things I promised …
Well they just go.
What does he see I wonder?
But if he could look inside.
He would see the the swirling galaxies of my soul
And he would know that there are depths to me
That he chooses to ignore
Chose to shut me out.
But I know enough to try and learn
That from this yearn this never ending burn
There’s something to be gained
I’m being trained
By powers greater than me
And definitely bigger than him.
So I suppose next time he crosses my path
Next time he passes me by.
I won’t just ask why?
But how? And why now?
Maybe then. Just maybe
It will all make sense.
Oh you have worn me down.
Pressing the tips of your calloused hands against my heart.
Stop. Stop. Restart.
I can’t take much more of this.
Just as I think the last drop, the last atom is gone
‘You have me at hello?’
Well you floored me with it.
And I tried to be casual.
I promise I did.
But this heart of mine still holds your prints
And it’s held up with splints
I’m a joke. A clown.
A lingering fool.
Jelly string on a spool.
I mean nothing to you
And that’s never happened me before.
I have never been cast aside like a whore.
But you stopped me with silence.
But that silence was a roar.
I’m still sore. I’m still sore.
So why do I want more?
I’ll burrow deeper into feather, into soft downy threads
Nestle and settle in a ball in this bed
Escape my head.
Escape you. All of you.
I need time at sea. Time to see.
To dream away this life of grime.
Time… so much time.
This life of traffic, of murk.
I’ll float in nothing for a while longer
Until I’m stronger
But little hands land on my head
Soft cheeks settle on my pillow
‘Are you ok mum? Are you asleep?’
For little voice I’m drawn out of the deep.
I hug little hands close to me
Under the cover
For now hibernation is over.