Funny

Swipe Left

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I’m all misinformed and misaligned

These bones and thoughts just will not bind

This shell I’m in, just doesn’t go

With all the true things I know

My world is small because of my face

This misguided generation, this judging race

All they see are thinner lips

Uneven teeth … lumpy hips

What do they want ?

Are they insane?

To continue to ignore my wonderful brain !

Ok so it’s it’s not that amazing

I’m no Einstein

But give me a chance.

Give me time.

Don’t swipe left, give me a go

I’m amazing in bed for all you know.

Ok I’m not but you won’t find out

If you base your assessment on a glossy pout.

A sign that I care and am really me

Is that I’m not always taking a selfie

I’m out actually enjoying the fresh air

Instead of wondering about my hair.

So yes, the looks are what draw you in

But in a month your eyes will look within

So skip to me, I’m worth a shot

I promise I’ll give you all I got

(C) Slumpless

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Emerald Isle

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I’m sure that we diddle

I’m sure that we jig

This giddy nation of drinkers

Isn’t that what you think ?

Look closer my friends

And you will all know it

We are a nation of thinkers

A flock of mad poets.

This drunken haze is just a play

To help some of us through the day.

We have tales of warriors and faerie child

Beckett, Yeats and Oscar Wilde

So don’t dismiss us as Leprechauns of old

Or we’ll hit you on the head with our pots of gold.

(C) Slumpless

Players

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Thanks you guys

You have taught me well

This messing me around shit

Has given me Hell.

Will he reply ? Will he text?

What’s happening now ?

What happens next?

Thanks y’all for making me feel crazy

The last few years are somewhat hazy

Constant confusion , up and down moods

Wondering how anyone could be so rude?

But still I thank you

Because now you see

I too can be a player

Not just a playee.

This karma thing it really works

So lashings of gratitude to all you jerks.

(C) Slumpless

Crazy Love 

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Don’t press her buttons

Then tell her she’s crazy. 

Don’t let her do everything

Then make her feel lazy.

Don’t make her cry

Then call her a moan

Don’t not listen

Then wonder why she groans.

Don’t shut her out 

Then ask her why she pouts.

Don’t be a dick

And watch that mean mouth.

Don’t call her a bitch

When she won’t have sex

Don’t not call her 

And wonder why she’s vexed.

So many don’t s 

So much to remember

But don’t worry if you can’t

She ‘ll be gone by December

(C)Slumpless

Tinkle

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lonely-814631_1920.jpg

You’re missing a ‘W’ in everything you do

Ork, ant, ill

I can never be your ‘ife’

With just a tinkle in your life.

(c) Slumpless

 

It’s all been done before.

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I’m chronically in love with you.

” Every step you take, every move you make..”

Oh wait it’s all been done before?

Well this love hasn’t.

My love for you is a thumbprint.

My love for you is like the word that rhymes with orange.

No no not that it doesn’t exist!

Silly.

It’s sporange ( look it up- I  did)

My love for you is like sniffing glue ( I imagine)

It’s hit me in the face like that game. You know … Pie face.

Full throttle to the gob. Exciting. Funny. Runny.

I love you till the cows come home and get milked. Over and over.

Everyday.

I will love you after I sag  and before I rot

I will love you in the next world and all the worlds after.

It’s all been done before?

Yep. again and again and again.

Forever. Foralways. For me.

(To JJ)

(c) Slumpless

 

 

 

 

 

Limp

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You’re tiring of me

Quick as quick

I can already feel the limpness in your dick.

What a pity. What a shame.

The fire between us , isn’t eternal flame.

So, so sad. So, so tragic.

That I can no longer work my magic.

‘Treat you mean and keep you keen’?

A kick to the guts? A jab to spleen?

Must I really become a shard

In order for you to get hard?

Screw it. Let this thing end

Before we are no longer friends.

(c) Slumpless