Masochist



And I forgot you
Or rather, my skin did
And that was what my mind needed too
To not need you.
There were no longer welts of desire on my breasts
It's all for the best
I suppose.
Who knows ? 
Me. I do. I knew.
I do feel lighter..brighter
And I wonder how I could have ever let myself become so weak?
Bleak.
Those languid, legs of yours
Draped over mine. Drinking wine.
As if you really wanted to own me
Phoney. Fake. Take. Take. Break.
I thought I was in control.
but I lost my soul
All the things that gave me joy
Abandoned for a boy. A toy. A thief.
Because you stole from me. You did.
Every last quid. Every piece of gold that made me bold.
Then you handed out crumbs to a starving heart.
Knowing I would play the part.
Dangle 
Trying to wrangle 
Food from your palms.
Morsels of loving goodness that I would lap up like a cat.
But there was no love. Just game.
I was another name.
Another crazy girl.
Because that's what you'll tell the next one
As I beg for you to keep me in your life.
You'll roll you eyes at her about how lame I am.
And she'll laugh a little.Nervously like I did.
She'll wonder.
Ponder. But only for a minute
Because you won't let her think. Not for a second.
You will smother her with your weighty arms
All those little love charms.
And by the time the truth hits her ears
There will be too many tears.
Anyway it all comes out in the end.
And that's when you run.
No more fun.
Not when we all see you for what you do..
Oh but the return to peace from pieces
Is worth the hiss. 
The calm bliss of a mind not tormented by a million questions
To which you shrugged. 
The worst part is that I thought I had no limits.
No quits. That I was the definition of a masochist.
I couldn't be a heroine ?
Addict. Addicted.
To you.
But suddenly it stopped. 
You dropped like a bag of stones. Bones.
Off my radar you went. When you had spent
me.
And I guess I'm glad.
Because I don't feel sad.
I feel nothing. Nothing.
I was after all. Nothing.
To you.
(c) Slumpless
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Pinch by pinch

“This too shall pass”
That’s what they say.
But they haven’t felt one of my minutes
Lived in my skin.
What time is it ? Nearly there ?
My life is crawling, sprawling.
Every half breath takes longer than your sighs.
I can’t see the light.
Not when my immersion is absolute.
Sublime darkness some might say…
Not me.
Squid ink in my pores.
I’m suffocating but not because of silence.
Every word you ever uttered is pinned to my every inch.
Pinch. Pinch. Pinch.
I’m edging my way forwards but it hurts like hell.
I’ll never do this again.
I can’t.
(C) Slumpless

Whino

I poured the last shred of myself into getting you back

Dredged the pit and found the last scrap of pride

Withered but worthy of words

Silence. Silence. Silence.

Now I feel absurd.

And I have to question this need for your presence.

This scramble to make you see.

Because when I have you it is not joy in my heart

But fear.

I am always waiting for you to cast your shadow on my face

For you to spit me out without swallowing.

A connoisseur of vintage whines.

Love me. Love me. Love me.

Ughhh I hate myself more than you could.

Better maybe to stay shut up.

Shut me out.

I think I would.

(C)Slumpless

PicASSo

I explained you into something else

How else could I understand you ?

I made excuses for your strange ways

And let the nuances I didn’t understand become mysteries, worthy of my love.

At the end however I realized that you are not an art piece to be deciphered

And that color on a wall does not a picture make.

Your silences are not opportunities for me to read your mind

But chances for blissful peace

So goodbye sunshine. Goodbye rain.

I thought you were a Picasso but you were nothing but a stain.

(C) Slumpless

Trick of the light

A trick of the light silly
When you thought you saw a halo
When you felt the piercing heat, smolder the bones of you.

Oh you knew it even then but you ignored the refracted value of the words that lit up your life.
And then when the clouds came
You feigned surprise as though you had forgotten your jacket not cast it aside.

Silly girl.

I see goosebumps on your arms and shadows in your hair.

No it’s not fair.

Some can bend the rays to their own devices

While you are left in cold,cold slices.

Ham it up all you want.

Pretend you got a fright.

You knew it all along

The tricks of your delight.

(C) Slumpless

Stop

Stop. I need to stop.

When my heart steals away in the night

Time travelling back to your hands in my hair

Stop.

I need to quench this thirst for memories

I am laden down with heavy baskets full of the past.

How can I move when every finger is weighed down?

I trudge through the days without you.

And I think I must have seen myself back then when you held me in the night.

I’m pretty sure it was me , sitting in corner looking sad.

Stop.

But how do I do it ?

Learn, when all I do is yearn ?

Smile without wincing?

Is there a potion made to numb ?

Now I understand gin.

You win.

I’m glass and always was and you’re the stone that landed in this vessel.

Tomorrow is another day..

Without you.

(C) Slumpless

I Do Believe in Fairies

Do you believe in Fairies ?

Don’t laugh just think.

Do you believe in stories with no proof?

Stories to make you feel better. Stories to shut you up.

You might as well.

I always thought that if I loved hard enough magic would happen.

That you would return the favor.

Oh Disney and Hollywood

All those stories that make you feel good.

I grew up on those, made wishes to the skies

But I may have found out about Santa

But not the rest of those lies.

(C) Slumpless