I carried marbles when I was with you
I held tiny , the worlds that I should have lived
But when I let go and they scattered
I wasn’t empty. I wasn’t shattered.
I watched each roll about its shiny way
And I knew I would be ok
I hadn’t lost my marbles
I had set them free
Tiny worlds away from thee
Little spheres of perfect glass
To show me the insignificance of what did pass
There was never an us
Just you. Just me.
I didn’t lose my marbles
I set them free.
You have a squeak in your shoe
And it breaks my heart
I think maybe your feet are wet
And I imagine your cringe at every step.
The sound is deafening
And I wonder how your day must be going?
It can only get better
I have a reckless soul
One that doesn’t know what’s good for the cage.
War and rage
Never end on a whimper
Always a clash.
Always a battle between
Flesh and beast.
No winners. Not me at least.
I see our lives as infinite
A love that will never end
And you ?
You can’t even be friends.
It’s a hard sell to see it my way…
One of these days I’ll learn to cut instead of hack
To pull instead of yank
To read the signs and run
Stop when it isn’t fun.
If he’s mean just let him loose.
Just do it. Do it. DO IT !!!
Instead I wait for a change
And in the process become deranged.
Push and poke until they cool
See me as nothing more than fool.
Maybe I need them to hate me
Maybe it’s the only way I’ll cut free.
Because if I love I can’t just stop
No matter how much you deserve the chop.
I wanted it all in a neat little box
Not scattered about like the remnants of a Christmas popper.
I wished to have dignity and be better this time
It’s all gone wrong you see?
There is no cellotape for this tear
No ribbon to make nice.
Nothing but ice.ice.
It’s cold behind your back.
You block out all the sun.
But never mind , soon I will run.
I grow tired of trying to tidy
What am I really fighting for anyway ?
A shrug ? Another lie?
Why do I even try ?
Your veins were thick with it when I met you
I felt no fire.
You are nothing but vampire
And I have been bled blind.
There is a crack that knows, no repair.
The final blow before you split.
The one that determines whether you can ever look at each other the same way again
How deep is the ridge left in you?
How fractured is your spirit ?
How can you be the same when altered to your foundations?
Careful my dear.
Your silence is hammer
And it wears me down to nothingness.
Every night we learn to die,
to forget the mass of flesh and bone
and travel beyond the realms of our perceived lives.
Every closing of the eyes,we leave and live a million lives.
A jumble of different things
Some formed of unfinished thoughts
Others with nothing we have seen before.
Every night we learn the abandonment of a cage we call home,
Yet we fear the day when there is no return.
So I learn to think of death as I would a house move.
Not as close to those I once lived near but still in their sphere.
Not all alone
But in a new home.