Masochist



And I forgot you
Or rather, my skin did
And that was what my mind needed too
To not need you.
There were no longer welts of desire on my breasts
It's all for the best
I suppose.
Who knows ? 
Me. I do. I knew.
I do feel lighter..brighter
And I wonder how I could have ever let myself become so weak?
Bleak.
Those languid, legs of yours
Draped over mine. Drinking wine.
As if you really wanted to own me
Phoney. Fake. Take. Take. Break.
I thought I was in control.
but I lost my soul
All the things that gave me joy
Abandoned for a boy. A toy. A thief.
Because you stole from me. You did.
Every last quid. Every piece of gold that made me bold.
Then you handed out crumbs to a starving heart.
Knowing I would play the part.
Dangle 
Trying to wrangle 
Food from your palms.
Morsels of loving goodness that I would lap up like a cat.
But there was no love. Just game.
I was another name.
Another crazy girl.
Because that's what you'll tell the next one
As I beg for you to keep me in your life.
You'll roll you eyes at her about how lame I am.
And she'll laugh a little.Nervously like I did.
She'll wonder.
Ponder. But only for a minute
Because you won't let her think. Not for a second.
You will smother her with your weighty arms
All those little love charms.
And by the time the truth hits her ears
There will be too many tears.
Anyway it all comes out in the end.
And that's when you run.
No more fun.
Not when we all see you for what you do..
Oh but the return to peace from pieces
Is worth the hiss. 
The calm bliss of a mind not tormented by a million questions
To which you shrugged. 
The worst part is that I thought I had no limits.
No quits. That I was the definition of a masochist.
I couldn't be a heroine ?
Addict. Addicted.
To you.
But suddenly it stopped. 
You dropped like a bag of stones. Bones.
Off my radar you went. When you had spent
me.
And I guess I'm glad.
Because I don't feel sad.
I feel nothing. Nothing.
I was after all. Nothing.
To you.
(c) Slumpless
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Hi Tide

It wasn’t just the salt on my skin

The golden shimmer on the rippling shore

It wasn’t my immersion into cool sloshing waves

Nor the sweet grip of the tide on my back.

I lay, bobbing on the ever changing surface

And felt the swell take over me.

It wasn’t just the swimming

It was the giving of myself to a power greater than my limbs could fathom

The surrender to a pull that knows no end

Ruled by moon perhaps but I prefer the tilting theory

A basin tipped by a whirling sphere

A sphere tipped by an unknow hand.

So I dove under.

Forgot the orange peel that had beached me for years

The uneven tone of a too many wobbling folds.

I swam. I swam. I swam.

I was mermaid for a day until the dusky touch of a falling sun

Beckoned me back to shore.

(C)Slumpless

Catching Stars

I can’t hope to catch the stars

Their jagged edges would cut through my net

And then what ?

To have but for a moment

Shimmering shine.

All mine.

But then for it to go?

How could my feet touch soil

My hands and body toil

Day after mutinous day

When my light had gone away?

I won’t lie in the gutter and look at the stars

I will hold the moon

Swing like a baboon.

I will not search for heaven on earth

Magic ends at birth

I will strap myself to comet

Whirl and soar and bathe in whispy galaxy

I will be part of the dream

Rather than the sleep

I will become the starlight

While you below shall weep.

(C) Slumpless

Fluffier Clouds

snow-3198164_1920

You make me interesting.

I remember things I never used to.

Little slivers of pointless information

That you lap up.

All my quirks can be displayed

Delayed

Until the right moment

And I’m all new to you again.

There’s so much of me I want to give

And for once I feel like a well

A fountain

Spluttering forth crystal drops

Of something that restores you.

Makes you whole.

I am only like this with you

You show up the invisible ink in me

The words that others don’t see

You use your fingertips… your tongue

Your lovely mouth whips me into a frenzy

I’m soaring above new clouds

That are fluffier than the last

Is it too fast?

I don’t care.

Because with you, I do.

I dare.

(c) Slumpless

Little pleasure

I don’t have time to plant flowers

Or paint my kitchen blue

I don’t have the patience to bake a cake

I’m too busy to take a bath.

I realised then you absorb colour

From the world. From me.

I gave it out without a thought.

These little pleasures came easy

The smell of coffee in the morning

Candles late at night

These things were scaffolding for my fragile senses

They keep the grey at bay

But for you the world was made of sturdier stuff

And you had no need for sculpted glass.

I’m not saying you’re crass but you’re not as gentle as I thought.

So I will keep filling this world with rainbows

But you won’t find my gold.

(C) Slumpless

Inch

wings-1940245_1920

This thing?

Is not a casual fling.

Not for me.

I’ll make you see. I will make you love me.

I want the bones of you.

The sleepy iridescent pools of blue

The moving tides of your beautiful blood.

The bad. The good,

I want the unfurling, uncurling length and breadth of you.

I will make you love me.

This heat of mine can’t help but yearn.

It will singe the sockets and pockets of your soul.

I’m more than whore. Isn’t everyone?

You already like me a little.

You’ve already given an inch ..inches.

But in a while .. I’ll get the mile.

(c) Slumpless