I’m chronically in love with you.
” Every step you take, every move you make..”
Oh wait it’s all been done before?
Well this love hasn’t.
My love for you is a thumbprint.
My love for you is like the word that rhymes with orange.
No no not that it doesn’t exist!
It’s sporange ( look it up- I did)
My love for you is like sniffing glue ( I imagine)
It’s hit me in the face like that game. You know … Pie face.
Full throttle to the gob. Exciting. Funny. Runny.
I love you till the cows come home and get milked. Over and over.
I will love you after I sag and before I rot
I will love you in the next world and all the worlds after.
It’s all been done before?
Yep. again and again and again.
Forever. Foralways. For me.
I have paid the price for a half-life
A half thought.
A relationship fraught.
Together ? Or not?
He loves you. He loves you not.
Make a decision for f#*%k’s sake.
The ground won’t shake.
Then maybe we would have been ok.
Better rounded. Our depression unfounded.
Oh what a burden to carry
Did they mean to marry?
Wishing they would divorce
It couldn’t get any worse.
Not for me. Not for us.
A life undefined.
Something terribly wrong but not on paper
Never on paper. Too black and white.
Enough with this shite.
It’s not right. It never was.
Were you trying to protect us?
Or was it yourselves you were trying to save?
Neither one of you brave..
Only now I can move on
Try not to do the same wrongs.
You’re still ostriches though
At least you’ll be grand
With your heads in the sand.
Not us. Definitely not me.
The blinkers are gone
The things I always believed , the same old song
No more. No more.
I want more.
So much more.
No one came to my funeral.
No sobs . No cries.
I was most surprised.
Had they even noticed I was gone?
Had they forgotten to put an ad in the paper?
Had they forgotten to update ‘RIP.ie’?
I’m dead. I’m dead. I know.
So what does it matter?
But it does you see ?
It’s a soul’s job to listen to hear about its life.
‘Loving mother and wife.’
Or something like that.
But there is only silence.
And only the wind howls.
Where are you my child ?
You suckled at my breast.
I built you a nest.
You took shelter under my wing once.
When did you take flight for good?
Was my approval so important to you?
I suppose it must have been.
And what about you my ex.
Are you still vexed?
We ended things amicably.
Clearly not. You’re away while I rot.
What about you friends?
Is this really the end?
I know I forgot to call you back
I know I missed the odd wedding or two
Oh dear. Oh dear.
All the little things I didn’t do.
And now all I see is an empty pew.
I look for comfort in billowing spume.
Thunderous. Luminous. Vicious.
Circular motion then thundering roar
That’s where my heart can soar.
That body. That body.
That mass. Oh my.
I can barely hear the seagulls cry.
I seek comfort in it’s swishy gurgle
Its undulating moves.
Its undertow , high and low.
I can ride this beast
But can never conquer it’s swell.
I’m driftwood .
Bobbing. Bobbing. Babbling.
Rushing to shore. Rushing to shore.
Then poof….. No more.
No more me.
Only soft yellow sands
Formed from a million things that were once tough as rock.
But are now full of footprints.
What are you trying to tell me, universe?
Please speak to me. Make me see.
Just as I think the last drop of him is gone
Just as I pat myself on the back and guzzle down a drink of happiness
Then all my certainty is gone again.
All the things I promised …
Well they just go.
What does he see I wonder?
But if he could look inside.
He would see the the swirling galaxies of my soul
And he would know that there are depths to me
That he chooses to ignore
Chose to shut me out.
But I know enough to try and learn
That from this yearn this never ending burn
There’s something to be gained
I’m being trained
By powers greater than me
And definitely bigger than him.
So I suppose next time he crosses my path
Next time he passes me by.
I won’t just ask why?
But how? And why now?
Maybe then. Just maybe
It will all make sense.
Can I dabble in you?
Stick my spoon in and sift through the liquids of your soul?
Your cauldron will bubble
Skin, nails, stubble.
I will scoop at the good bits make them float to the top
But just as you boil over
I will stop.
Simmer. Simmer. Simmer.
You know I go witch way.
That the follicles of your heart
Are mine to control
Along with your soul
And every other inch.
Pinch. Pinch. Pinch.
A bit of this and that
Added to the mix
Stirring you up
You’re froth. Broth.
Moth to my flame.
Bubble. Bubble. Pop.