I am all or nothing
And you gave me the latter
Like I didn’t matter.
Like I would wait with my tongue hanging loose
Your love a noose
Around this grateful neck.
I don’t do it by halves or quarters
Like a lamb to the slaughter
I go all in.
And there lies the rub
This eagerness you snub
Because you can’t believe it’s true
This love I had for you.
I am all or nothing.
And you gave me none
And it’s no longer fun.
But I’m not laughing now
Nor am I crying
I won’t be dying
For your half arsed look
I close the book.
I said it was forever and I really tried
I’m sorry I lied.
It’s not the Never-ending story
It’s much less glory
It started with a bang
And ends with a sigh
No screaming, no cry
I’ll keep on breathing
And this heart will beat on
For a love that is long gone.
I’m better with just a whisper of you in my life
The feint tinge of your delicious breath on my neck
Any more of your air and I don’t care
About me. About them.
Just a whisper of potential is the carrot to my donkey brain
Stops me going insane.
Too much of you is a gas chamber
A clamber to get out.
The overwhelming sensation of being overcome.
So don’t shout. Don’t talk.
But if you must.
Whisper. Whisper. Whisp…
“And which did you love the most?”They say
While I lie on my death bed this Autumn day
“I loved them all.” I do reply
“Although it changed, it didn’t die.
I loved his eyes , the other’s hair
Each had their own unique flair
They were all my loves they were all my souls
Filling needs and gaping holes
“But how can you share?”They always ask ?
“Is this not truly an impossible task?”
Impossible only because society made it so
One must come the other go
If I could have had them all I would
It doesn’t mean I’m up to no good
This regret that I let each one away
Because “sharing love is not ok”
I wish.. I wish, I kept them all
Because I think it is possible to fall
For not just one soul but a whole lot more
This does not make me a heartless whore!
I love them all. I always will.
This beating heart is suddenly still
But this light inside that they all lit
Will never stop. Will never quit.
Now I’m free of this mortal coil
The rules up here are much less toil
I can love as many as I need
It’s seen as positive, not as greed
I can hold his hand while I hug the next
Nobody here seems perplexed
A woman is capable of great great things
None are tied to wedding rings
This loving art can seem quite daunting
But it makes me too busy for ghostly haunting
“Ah but tell the truth if you had to pick
Through hell and highwater through thin and thick
There must be one you love the most
while alive or now a ghost?”
Well yes I admit there’s one whose soul
Was closest to my very own
But I stand by the rest and urge you to consider
That this monogamous life is quite a hinder
All the cheating all the lies
Are unnecessary if one just tries
To be more open to other ways
Of loving humans throughout our days
So little by little it won’t be quick
Dismantle this construct brick by brick
If it doesn’t hurt , it doesn’t harm
Then really it shouldn’t cause such alarm
Don’t wait to die to open your heart
Do it now ,make a start.
I love you
But you’re blemish free
Too perfect for me
Too smooth, too soft
I look for broken skin because I live in the cracks
But there is no shelter for me on your porcelain cover
Nowhere to hide, no freckle to make me safe
And though I strove for perfection
I realise now it has no colour .
I longed for you through inky night and harsh sunlight
I called on the stars to help me.
I summoned the winds to bring you near.
My every thought was spattered with you
Scattered by you.
Your effervescent tongue had awakened every nerve.
I felt flooded by your spirit
Engulfed by your soul.
And then it stopped.
And you called.
Our love belongs to the sometimes.
You had me once. I was all yours.
But we didn’t work that way.
Night and day.
So meet me in the shadows.
Some lovers need shade.
The sun is for the lizards
We’re better underground
Hiding in dens, warrens.
A trickle of light is all we need
To feed , to feast.
But sometimes at least.
I fought the fight
Then saw the light
In a million drops of rain
Each perfect and sharp
Each pointed at my heart.
You squandered this clown.
Your mean frown
Shows no pity for silly things
For imperfect creatures.
For uncertain features.
Oh to be you, so sure and strong
So full of conviction with your pretentious diction.
You stand in the door , while desperate creatures like me
Try to see
Try to catch a glance
A second chance.
Am I out of chances friend?
Is this really the end?
Have I used them all up ?
Been a chance slut?
I suppose I have and this really is it
It’s a pity you turned out to be such a