Bit by Bit

Maybe I’m dead already

I feel you walking on my grave

I shout and scream but no one hears

No one cares.

I’m a corpse among the living

But not the pretty sugar skull, kind.

I’m ignored. Muted. Paused.

Can anyone hear me ? Anyone ?

When did it happen ?

When was my last laugh ? My last guttural outburst?

It’s all dampened down now.

Hush. Hush. Hush.

No matter how hard I dance for you all

I feel you have written me off

Bit by bit by obituary.

(C)Slumpless

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Too Muchness

You’re very aware of your “too muchness” He said.

“Much too much” I replied

I’m much too emotional

Much too intense

Much too mad

Much too sad

It’s all too much you know ?

But for who ? For me ? For you?

What about too less ? Isn’t that worse ?

Much more of a curse?

I suppose he’s right.

I suppose more is better

Then why do I feel less ?

(C)Slumpless

Is it me ?

When you’re fighting with everyone and you ask yourself “Is it me ?”

Maybe for once it’s not.

Maybe everyone

IS an asshole

And you’re finally seeing it.

But if everyone treats you badly

Is it because you let them ?

(C)Slumpless

But if everyone is an asshole…what are you ?

Bone

I’m tossing and turning

Twisted in the memories of you

I just want to be alone so I can savor them

Flavor them with all my nuances.

You licked the core of me

As I read to you.

Your hands stroked me

Over and over like I was made of puppies.

And I think I wagged my tail

Just for your bone.

God I can’t stand not getting you

All the time .

Rapid breaths over and over.

Roll me. Knead me.

I need you.

Feast on moistened flesh

That rises and expands with heat.

I’m in hell until I see you

Again and again and again.

(C)Slumpless

Label me please

“I hate labels”

I must have said that in a previous life.

Careful what you wish for.

Now I long to be pinned and defined

Categorized.

Please tell me who I am once and for all.

As it is I’m not one thing or another

Not human not mother

Not healthy not sick

Quick.Quick.Quick.

Before my blurred lines dissolve into nothing.

So I can stop longing for approval

From sources that never offer it

So go on. Put that sticker on.

Place me in a jar.

My ingredients on the back

At least then I can sit calmly on the shelf

Instead of loose as a lentil or a worse

A nut.

(C) Slumpless

Dribble

I was doing so well. I was doing so well..jpg

I let the madness show by accident

It dribbled out my mouth

Your eyes widened

And suddenly you had to leave

I had no tissues

I couldn’t hide

You had already crossed to the other side.

I was doing so well. I was doing so well.

Drooling fool. Drooling fool.

And all I said was:

‘Terribly grey isn’t it?’

That’s all I said.

It must have been high pitched

Maybe I twitched.

It’s too late now. Too late.

There will always  be the divide.

Normal over there.

Crazy on this side.

(c)Slumpless

 

One Night

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‘Just one night’ he said ‘And then no more’

It hasn’t happened but I feel like a whore.

‘Just one time.. she won’t find out.’

It hasn’t happened but he’s still a lout.

‘But no more contact, no more texts

This is not a relationship

Just merely sex’.

Does he know I’m human

That I have heart?

Was I not clear about it from the start?

I have feelings and if we shag

He’ll throw me away like a dirty rag.

I’ll want it to be special

I’ll want it to be more

But I’ll be left lying at the door.

So he really thinks I want a one night stand?

I’d rather use my own right hand.

(c) Slumpless