I let the madness show by accident
It dribbled out my mouth
Your eyes widened
And suddenly you had to leave
I had no tissues
I couldn’t hide
You had already crossed to the other side.
I was doing so well. I was doing so well.
Drooling fool. Drooling fool.
And all I said was:
‘Terribly grey isn’t it?’
That’s all I said.
It must have been high pitched
Maybe I twitched.
It’s too late now. Too late.
There will always be the divide.
Normal over there.
Crazy on this side.
‘Just one night’ he said ‘And then no more’
It hasn’t happened but I feel like a whore.
‘Just one time.. she won’t find out.’
It hasn’t happened but he’s still a lout.
‘But no more contact, no more texts
This is not a relationship
Just merely sex’.
Does he know I’m human
That I have heart?
Was I not clear about it from the start?
I have feelings and if we shag
He’ll throw me away like a dirty rag.
I’ll want it to be special
I’ll want it to be more
But I’ll be left lying at the door.
So he really thinks I want a one night stand?
I’d rather use my own right hand.
Skimmed the abyss and changed our minds.
Afraid of what we’d find.
But my heart doesn’t change so easily.
I think it prefers the dark.
Prefers to pump into viscous me.
Skips with extra glee
It has its own rhythm you see?
We shouldn’t. We shouldn’t. We shouldn’t.
Yours is covered in shell.
It will keep you well.
Runrun. Runrun. Runrun.
You will live to that beat
And maybe you’re right.
Not to follow me into the night.
I longed for you through inky night and harsh sunlight
I called on the stars to help me.
I summoned the winds to bring you near.
My every thought was spattered with you
Scattered by you.
Your effervescent tongue had awakened every nerve.
I felt flooded by your spirit
Engulfed by your soul.
And then it stopped.
And you called.
They acted like they were on a show.
The witty banter. The raucous laughs.
They were a pack.
A pack of Jacks. A pack of fools.
There’s a jitter that won’t quit.
I’m shaking and quaking.
Will I ask him? Will I?