Masochist



And I forgot you
Or rather, my skin did
And that was what my mind needed too
To not need you.
There were no longer welts of desire on my breasts
It's all for the best
I suppose.
Who knows ? 
Me. I do. I knew.
I do feel lighter..brighter
And I wonder how I could have ever let myself become so weak?
Bleak.
Those languid, legs of yours
Draped over mine. Drinking wine.
As if you really wanted to own me
Phoney. Fake. Take. Take. Break.
I thought I was in control.
but I lost my soul
All the things that gave me joy
Abandoned for a boy. A toy. A thief.
Because you stole from me. You did.
Every last quid. Every piece of gold that made me bold.
Then you handed out crumbs to a starving heart.
Knowing I would play the part.
Dangle 
Trying to wrangle 
Food from your palms.
Morsels of loving goodness that I would lap up like a cat.
But there was no love. Just game.
I was another name.
Another crazy girl.
Because that's what you'll tell the next one
As I beg for you to keep me in your life.
You'll roll you eyes at her about how lame I am.
And she'll laugh a little.Nervously like I did.
She'll wonder.
Ponder. But only for a minute
Because you won't let her think. Not for a second.
You will smother her with your weighty arms
All those little love charms.
And by the time the truth hits her ears
There will be too many tears.
Anyway it all comes out in the end.
And that's when you run.
No more fun.
Not when we all see you for what you do..
Oh but the return to peace from pieces
Is worth the hiss. 
The calm bliss of a mind not tormented by a million questions
To which you shrugged. 
The worst part is that I thought I had no limits.
No quits. That I was the definition of a masochist.
I couldn't be a heroine ?
Addict. Addicted.
To you.
But suddenly it stopped. 
You dropped like a bag of stones. Bones.
Off my radar you went. When you had spent
me.
And I guess I'm glad.
Because I don't feel sad.
I feel nothing. Nothing.
I was after all. Nothing.
To you.
(c) Slumpless
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Whino

I poured the last shred of myself into getting you back

Dredged the pit and found the last scrap of pride

Withered but worthy of words

Silence. Silence. Silence.

Now I feel absurd.

And I have to question this need for your presence.

This scramble to make you see.

Because when I have you it is not joy in my heart

But fear.

I am always waiting for you to cast your shadow on my face

For you to spit me out without swallowing.

A connoisseur of vintage whines.

Love me. Love me. Love me.

Ughhh I hate myself more than you could.

Better maybe to stay shut up.

Shut me out.

I think I would.

(C)Slumpless

Cheap Cheap

You break the heart of me my love

Cut the soul right out of its skin.

Over. Over.And over

I let you do it it.

This pulsing part on a plate

Sloshed about like a cheap stew

Made cheaper by me.

While I yearn for your expensive smile

The one that only comes out at night.

Me ? My teeth are always on display

Night. Day. I just give it away

As if it means nothing.

Talk is cheap but so is a smile.

And mine is free.

(C) Slumpless

Add Hiss

This is a follow on from my previous poem “Add Bliss” . Oh how wrong was I 😀 !!

Hoot. Hoot.

You can’t even give me two.

You emptied me out.

Gentle and slow.

I didn’t even know.

How could I ?

You’re a thief and sculpture.

Vulture.

Taking truth and shaping it so divine

I couldn’t help but pine..

Over you.

I’m over you.

I tell myself this silly tale

As tall as what you told me.

But I’m not as good at fibs

And all I can do is cringe.

Over and over at my pathetic need

For you to miss. Miss. Miss me.

Remember our kisses ?

They’ve all turned to hisses.

No bliss. No bliss. Just blood.

(C) Slumpless

When the air cools

When the air cools and you feel the pull

Of other fingers on your hair

When my soft whispers no longer lull you to sleep

And your warm stomach no longer nestles into my back

When all the things I thought were true

When you had me and I was new

All of those little loves.

Still scaffold the bones of me.

So please. Please. Please

Be kinder dear. Be kind.

You have hit fast forward

While I still rewind.

Be gentle on this fragile thing

Remember, you once made it sing

She might seem shiny and full of life

The potential to be a perfect wife

But I shone too… at the start

Before you stomped on my living heart.

(C) Slumpless

Smart phone

Only smart if you are….I’m not.

I proved that.

I descended into the proverbial rabbit hole

I just couldn’t stop myself. The heat it generated in my skull should keep the battery going for years.

Hours of searching for something I was never even sure existed

By trying to prove to myself I wasn’t crazy … I became just that.

Lock me out. Of it. Of life. Of me.

Off

(C)Slumpless

Lie down

You fought until the bitter end

I’ll give you that at least

All the proof in front of me

You thought it was behind you.

You were like a cornered bird.

But at least they can fly.

You had nowhere to go

You turned into a festering mass

And I wondered how I ever saw anything else

Where were your soft, gentle hands ?

Where was your kind heart?

One lie down.

How many more ?

(C) Slumpless