I dug up a storm for you
And used the trade winds
To buckle your spine.
I syphoned the rains
From all the lands
And poured them down your neck.
I reached into every corner of every crack and abyss that furrows this planet
Just that you may answer me.
Do you care ? Do you?
But all you heard was a whistle. Felt a chill.
My tempest only made me ill.
Liar, liar your pants are on fire
And it was cute when we were kids
You told tall tales of overgrown snails
And things that disappeared in the light
But now my dear your absurd lies
Are fooling no-one but yourself
It worked for a while
But now you’re on trial
For giving us all quite a fright.
So I call bullshit on it all
And try not to be mean
And see that it comes from a place of fear
And when you tell me untruths
I’ve become quite the sleuth
And take it all in good cheer.
So try not do it,there’s really no point
We’re all wise to your insecure ways
But for others less in the know
It’s such a low blow
And can really mess with their days.
Torpedo love bore holes in my comfortable life
Now I can’t remember how I ever enjoyed being alone
Torpedo love, blew away the cobwebs in my soul.
But there is still a spider. Incy. Wincy.
Ever so slowly. Ever so softly.
Torpedo love turned me to goo
But the arachnid is you.
Too late now for me. Too late.
I cannot move. I can feel its breath.
Torpedo love is made for death.
I longed for you through inky night and harsh sunlight
I called on the stars to help me.
I summoned the winds to bring you near.
My every thought was spattered with you
Scattered by you.
Your effervescent tongue had awakened every nerve.
I felt flooded by your spirit
Engulfed by your soul.
And then it stopped.
And you called.
I fought the fight
Then saw the light
In a million drops of rain
Each perfect and sharp
Each pointed at my heart.
You squandered this clown.
Your mean frown
Shows no pity for silly things
For imperfect creatures.
For uncertain features.
Oh to be you, so sure and strong
So full of conviction with your pretentious diction.
You stand in the door , while desperate creatures like me
Try to see
Try to catch a glance
A second chance.
Am I out of chances friend?
Is this really the end?
Have I used them all up ?
Been a chance slut?
I suppose I have and this really is it
It’s a pity you turned out to be such a
And I forgot you
Or rather, my skin did
And that was what my mind needed too
To not need you.
There were no longer welts of desire on my breasts
It's all for the best
Who knows ?
Me. I do. I knew.
I do feel lighter..brighter
And I wonder how I could have ever let myself become so weak?
Those languid, legs of yours
Draped over mine. Drinking wine.
As if you really wanted to own me
Phoney. Fake. Take. Take. Break.
I thought I was in control.
but I lost my soul
All the things that gave me joy
Abandoned for a boy. A toy. A thief.
Because you stole from me. You did.
Every last quid. Every piece of gold that made me bold.
Then you handed out crumbs to a starving heart.
Knowing I would play the part.
Trying to wrangle
Food from your palms.
Morsels of loving goodness that I would lap up like a cat.
But there was no love. Just game.
I was another name.
Another crazy girl.
Because that's what you'll tell the next one
As I beg for you to keep me in your life.
You'll roll you eyes at her about how lame I am.
And she'll laugh a little.Nervously like I did.
Ponder. But only for a minute
Because you won't let her think. Not for a second.
You will smother her with your weighty arms
All those little love charms.
And by the time the truth hits her ears
There will be too many tears.
Anyway it all comes out in the end.
And that's when you run.
No more fun.
Not when we all see you for what you do..
Oh but the return to peace from pieces
Is worth the hiss.
The calm bliss of a mind not tormented by a million questions
To which you shrugged.
The worst part is that I thought I had no limits.
No quits. That I was the definition of a masochist.
I couldn't be a heroine ?
But suddenly it stopped.
You dropped like a bag of stones. Bones.
Off my radar you went. When you had spent
And I guess I'm glad.
Because I don't feel sad.
I feel nothing. Nothing.
I was after all. Nothing.
I poured the last shred of myself into getting you back
Dredged the pit and found the last scrap of pride
Withered but worthy of words
Silence. Silence. Silence.
Now I feel absurd.
And I have to question this need for your presence.
This scramble to make you see.
Because when I have you it is not joy in my heart
I am always waiting for you to cast your shadow on my face
For you to spit me out without swallowing.
A connoisseur of vintage whines.
Love me. Love me. Love me.
Ughhh I hate myself more than you could.
Better maybe to stay shut up.
Shut me out.
I think I would.
You break the heart of me my love
Cut the soul right out of its skin.
Over. Over.And over
I let you do it it.
This pulsing part on a plate
Sloshed about like a cheap stew
Made cheaper by me.
While I yearn for your expensive smile
The one that only comes out at night.
Me ? My teeth are always on display
Night. Day. I just give it away
As if it means nothing.
Talk is cheap but so is a smile.
And mine is free.
This is a follow on from my previous poem “Add Bliss” . Oh how wrong was I 😀 !!
You can’t even give me two.
You emptied me out.
Gentle and slow.
I didn’t even know.
How could I ?
You’re a thief and sculpture.
Taking truth and shaping it so divine
I couldn’t help but pine..
I’m over you.
I tell myself this silly tale
As tall as what you told me.
But I’m not as good at fibs
And all I can do is cringe.
Over and over at my pathetic need
For you to miss. Miss. Miss me.
Remember our kisses ?
They’ve all turned to hisses.
No bliss. No bliss. Just blood.
When the air cools and you feel the pull
Of other fingers on your hair
When my soft whispers no longer lull you to sleep
And your warm stomach no longer nestles into my back
When all the things I thought were true
When you had me and I was new
All of those little loves.
Still scaffold the bones of me.
So please. Please. Please
Be kinder dear. Be kind.
You have hit fast forward
While I still rewind.
Be gentle on this fragile thing
Remember, you once made it sing
She might seem shiny and full of life
The potential to be a perfect wife
But I shone too… at the start
Before you stomped on my living heart.
Only smart if you are….I’m not.
I proved that.
I descended into the proverbial rabbit hole
I just couldn’t stop myself. The heat it generated in my skull should keep the battery going for years.
Hours of searching for something I was never even sure existed
By trying to prove to myself I wasn’t crazy … I became just that.
Lock me out. Of it. Of life. Of me.
You fought until the bitter end
I’ll give you that at least
All the proof in front of me
You thought it was behind you.
You were like a cornered bird.
But at least they can fly.
You had nowhere to go
You turned into a festering mass
And I wondered how I ever saw anything else
Where were your soft, gentle hands ?
Where was your kind heart?
One lie down.
How many more ?