I will follow you like a whimper
Soft and sad. Slobbering on your shoulder.
You hate the way my nostrils flare
The way my face puffs when I cry
I’m a useless jelly
A wobbling mass
“Silly Billy.Silly Billy.”
You say it with no hint of light
No glint of love.
You have nothing else to say.
And I have nowhere else to go.
I will never tire of you, just as you are
Sublime perfection, shining in the soft sunshine.
But I can already feel you wilting..tilting towards other flowers
And I have always been ivy
Climbing the walls,
Clinging too tight.
Needing to be ‘cut back’.
They don’t say ‘Ivy power’ do they ?
You hold all the cards petal.
And soon the light will fade.
But where you need heat
I survive in the shade.
I broke the corners of my soul
And gave you those lonely edges
They tasted like me you said
Mostly good but tainted with need.
'Is that bad?' I said.
'It will be your undoing.'
You were right of course.
And as I unfurl the remainder of my curled up love
I see it is blackened by our plight.
I lay on my back ,
Half today , half shadow-lands
A tiny man appeared on my wrist.
He dug at the veins with purpose, as he would a field
His tiny brow furrowed, his miniature overalls covered in blood.
What was he searching for ?
Every pick of his perfect axe
Was in time with my beating heart
And the tiny sway of my hairs
Were like corn in the breeze.
I could smell rain in the air and sighed.
As tears ran down my cheeks.
He looked up and stopped
‘There’s a storm coming.’ He whispered.
To me? To the sky?
‘There’s a storm coming and you are going to die.’
‘I’m great thanks, I really think I have a handle on it, this time.’
I smiled and hoped she wouldn’t see the lack of twinkle in my eye
The lack of soul. It had gone away for the day.
Nothing happening here.
I was a shell on a chair.
All I could do was stare.
She has pity and I feel shitty.
I don’t want to seem weak… bleak.
I only give the tip of the berg
But there are mountains in this deep sea
To get to the real me.
Unexplored and dark.
Better leave it alone.
Don’t you think ?
Better not to sink.
Stay afloat. Stay afloat.
‘I’m fine thanks’.
What a beautiful cloak those words are.
I nestle into them well.
But underneath I’m naked.
‘Oh you’re a wiry one’
She would say this without malice but the words hurt all the same.
Did she mean sharp? I have a sharp tongue I’m told and it slices strips off you.
Maybe she meant that I could never sit still
That there was a tremor in my blood
Electricity always running through my core
Well I tell you, I’m electric no more.
‘Is there a pulse?’ I hear this in the distance but all I see is her face and slow thud of my heart fading.
‘ A wiry one’. I smile inside.
I’ll ask her what she meant.
Wow who knew? I do have superpowers after all!
With a mere flick of my wrist and a dab of extra butter and cheese
I can become completely invisible!
The guy didn’t hold the door for me.
The boy in the shop didn’t try to converse.
They don’t stare anymore.
The men. The women.
They don’t stare.
I used to hate it.
Used to turn beet red.
But now I have an invisibility cloak
And although I try to shrug it off.
It weighs heavily on me.
But what’s worse.
Is the reverse.
I see the ‘fat guy’ with new eyes
He too is in disguise.