‘I’m great thanks, I really think I have a handle on it, this time.’
I smiled and hoped she wouldn’t see the lack of twinkle in my eye
The lack of soul. It had gone away for the day.
Nothing happening here.
I was a shell on a chair.
All I could do was stare.
She has pity and I feel shitty.
I don’t want to seem weak… bleak.
I only give the tip of the berg
But there are mountains in this deep sea
To get to the real me.
Unexplored and dark.
Better leave it alone.
Don’t you think ?
Better not to sink.
Stay afloat. Stay afloat.
‘I’m fine thanks’.
What a beautiful cloak those words are.
I nestle into them well.
But underneath I’m naked.
‘Oh you’re a wiry one’
She would say this without malice but the words hurt all the same.
Did she mean sharp? I have a sharp tongue I’m told and it slices strips off you.
Maybe she meant that I could never sit still
That there was a tremor in my blood
Electricity always running through my core
Well I tell you, I’m electric no more.
‘Is there a pulse?’ I hear this in the distance but all I see is her face and slow thud of my heart fading.
‘ A wiry one’. I smile inside.
I’ll ask her what she meant.
Wow who knew? I do have superpowers after all!
With a mere flick of my wrist and a dab of extra butter and cheese
I can become completely invisible!
The guy didn’t hold the door for me.
The boy in the shop didn’t try to converse.
They don’t stare anymore.
The men. The women.
They don’t stare.
I used to hate it.
Used to turn beet red.
But now I have an invisibility cloak
And although I try to shrug it off.
It weighs heavily on me.
But what’s worse.
Is the reverse.
I see the ‘fat guy’ with new eyes
He too is in disguise.
Her skin was perfect… pristine.
I imagined her having sex.
Perfect and perfunctory..
There would be no wobble.
She would be loud from the throat but not the gut.
Did she sweat I wondered?
She sipped on water and chewed on lettuce.
How sad I thought.
I turned away to gaze at the ducks.
Calm on the surface.
She seemed stagnant to the core.
A child tripped over, sprawled on the floor.
Miss perfect’s lips turned up at the edges.
A splendid,slow sneer,slithered across her face.
I saw malice in those cerulean blues
And felt a chill in my blood.
And pity.So much pity
For a world that trusts perfection.
‘He was in love with you.. did you know that?’
It’s too late now. Too late.
What can I do ?
Look back at all the gazes
All those confusing moments
I thought I had imagined them all
That I had been the only one to fall.
‘no one knew it except me. He was afraid .. you see?’
He was afraid and so was I
It’s too late now to even cry.
I am silent now as they put you in the ground.
Nothing but my heart making a sound.
It’s beating right out of chest
As your lovely body is laid to rest.
Now all I can think about is that day
When you were supposed to meet me
But you didn’t.
And I never called you again.
I bleated to the sky
I am a lamb in the wind on the hill
The clouds have darkened and there is a storm
Oh who will keep me warm?
Do you not have wool child?
Make use of it.
Soon it will be mild
And the best of you will be used to heat others.
No not your brothers.
Those that will eat you to bone.
And leave you all alone.
Today enjoy your heat
For tomorrow you will be meat.