It wasn’t just the salt on my skin
The golden shimmer on the rippling shore
It wasn’t my immersion into cool sloshing waves
Nor the sweet grip of the tide on my back.
I lay, bobbing on the ever changing surface
And felt the swell take over me.
It wasn’t just the swimming
It was the giving of myself to a power greater than my limbs could fathom
The surrender to a pull that knows no end
Ruled by moon perhaps but I prefer the tilting theory
A basin tipped by a whirling sphere
A sphere tipped by an unknow hand.
So I dove under.
Forgot the orange peel that had beached me for years
The uneven tone of a too many wobbling folds.
I swam. I swam. I swam.
I was mermaid for a day until the dusky touch of a falling sun
Beckoned me back to shore.
You must be made of bitter stuff
How else are you able to sting so much ?
The very tongue I thought was made of honey
The fingers that stopped my rattles
Are spears, dipped in vinegar
And you pour it into my wounds
Like I’m a newspaper full of fries.
Lies. LIES. Lies.
You undermined everything with spiralling secrets.
And now I can’t see the sky for the trees
The love for the pleas
The never ending clockwork circle
I’m wound up.
Turning like a silly soldier
Into the fire but no little tin heart.
Just a puddle where I was once a thing
For you to play with then burn.
Only smart if you are….I’m not.
I proved that.
I descended into the proverbial rabbit hole
I just couldn’t stop myself. The heat it generated in my skull should keep the battery going for years.
Hours of searching for something I was never even sure existed
By trying to prove to myself I wasn’t crazy … I became just that.
Lock me out. Of it. Of life. Of me.
You fought until the bitter end
I’ll give you that at least
All the proof in front of me
You thought it was behind you.
You were like a cornered bird.
But at least they can fly.
You had nowhere to go
You turned into a festering mass
And I wondered how I ever saw anything else
Where were your soft, gentle hands ?
Where was your kind heart?
One lie down.
How many more ?
I can’t hope to catch the stars
Their jagged edges would cut through my net
And then what ?
To have but for a moment
But then for it to go?
How could my feet touch soil
My hands and body toil
Day after mutinous day
When my light had gone away?
I won’t lie in the gutter and look at the stars
I will hold the moon
Swing like a baboon.
I will not search for heaven on earth
Magic ends at birth
I will strap myself to comet
Whirl and soar and bathe in whispy galaxy
I will be part of the dream
Rather than the sleep
I will become the starlight
While you below shall weep.
I’m in a culling mood today
The type where no bullshit is allowed
If you want to be part of my life
Try fucking harder.
If you want respect….
Actually, I thought this was all pretty obvious
Oh well. Time tells.
She told on you and you and you too.
She told on my Mother and Father.
They should have tried bloody harder.
Today I have no patience for a shoulder shrug
I need people who willingly hug.
The kind who wrap me in fuzzy love
The ones who seem to be sent from above.
So today my whip is going to crack
Be a decent person or get the sack.
This is for my best friend who puts her money where her mouth is and shows kindness instead of smugness. You know who you are xxx
I must have met Medusa
For a brief moment.
Enough to turn my heart to stone.
Those snakes in her hair
Each of them with their own wicked agenda
Each the root of the cause
A heart that never thaws.