Sweet Streets

How sweet the pavement seemed today

I licked it as I walked.

Consumed the lemon light

It’s zesty beams resting lightly in my mouth.

I’m leaving you see..

And nothing makes the street seem sweeter

Than knowing that soon I will walk it no more

Those trudging,weighted steps of yesterday

Seem so far away.

A hop, skip and a lump in my throat

I will miss the smiling man on his bike

The old, shuffling lady with her bowled over gait

And most of all,

I will miss you.

The streets where you live.

Where your candy kisses coated my tongue

And your sherbert eyes still fizzle in my brain.

(C) Slumpless

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Chronic Me ( ‘You don’t seem sick’)

Hi all

Up to now I have kept my posts poetic however today I delve a little deeper and hope you will join me on this journey. I have had a shit show of a month where everything that could go wrong did.. and basically this seems to be the cycle my life is in.

There are a million reasons for this but I am going to address what I see is the main one and hope that this helps other people going through something similar.

First let me point out that just because my story isn’t a cookie cutter version of yours, doesn’t mean we can’t feel the same.

I say this because I have been looking all over the net for similar versions of my illness but seem to fail at even being sick enough 😀 this is doing nothing for my self-esteem!

Basically I have endometriosis which is where scar tissue (similar to the lining of the uterus) grows where it shouldn’t. This is not the most in depth explanation but that’s not the important part for me.

The part that matters is how I feel and the impact this illness has had on my life and relationships.

I am picking this time in my life because I really feel I have had to justify myself over and over to people especially family.

I also suffer from depression and I am not sure whether this is a result of having a chronic illness or just an unrelated issue all of its own. My search for approval of my illness and for people to believe me, has done nothing but make me feel desperate and alone.

Andthe bloody awful thing is that there are days when I feel I am going mad. And for me it’s not just awful pain which I get in my lower back coming up to my period or the horrible dizzy spells or the terrible bowel problems I suffer from. ( “Vague symptoms” which is the latest contribution from a family member- they don’t seem vague to me I tells ya !!!)

It’s that feeling of never being a ‘reliable’ human.

I have had to leave jobs because of this illness.I have had an eating disorder as I thought I could control my illness through food and became obsessed. I have lain on my couch with zero energy feeling like the laziest person in the world.

‘ But you don’t seem sick when I see you’

No I tend to avoid you when I am unwell because over the years it has become embarrassing to have to say ‘ yes I am sick again… yes really’. So no I don’t seem sick when we meet but ask yourself how many times I have ‘flaked’ on you?

Anyway this is just an opening rant and introduction and I will tackle all the various aspects of it as time goes by and things that I find help me with both physical and mental symptoms. The poetry has definitely been an outlet but I hope that this is more of a tangible post on a chronic illness. Just because I’m not screaming in pain doesn’t mean the impact of having cyclical bowel problems or severe back pain isn’t life changing.

So please if you can relate, let me know and if you know someone who is in similar situation then be kind 🙂

Please keep reading xxx

More words less slump.

(c)Slumpless

Catching Stars

I can’t hope to catch the stars

Their jagged edges would cut through my net

And then what ?

To have but for a moment

Shimmering shine.

All mine.

But then for it to go?

How could my feet touch soil

My hands and body toil

Day after mutinous day

When my light had gone away?

I won’t lie in the gutter and look at the stars

I will hold the moon

Swing like a baboon.

I will not search for heaven on earth

Magic ends at birth

I will strap myself to comet

Whirl and soar and bathe in whispy galaxy

I will be part of the dream

Rather than the sleep

I will become the starlight

While you below shall weep.

(C) Slumpless

The Cull de Sac

I’m in a culling mood today

The type where no bullshit is allowed

If you want to be part of my life

Try fucking harder.

If you want respect….

Actually, I thought this was all pretty obvious

Oh well. Time tells.

She told on you and you and you too.

She told on my Mother and Father.

They should have tried bloody harder.

Today I have no patience for a shoulder shrug

I need people who willingly hug.

The kind who wrap me in fuzzy love

The ones who seem to be sent from above.

So today my whip is going to crack

Be a decent person or get the sack.

(C) Slumpless

This is for my best friend who puts her money where her mouth is and shows kindness instead of smugness. You know who you are xxx

Care Less

I didn’t realise it but I was waiting.

Waiting for you to shed that brittle skin

To show me someone better

To prove my doubting wrong.

I tried to shrug away your strange behaviour

Those angry outbursts make me cringe.

I tried to justify your lies

Your sideways glances at other women ?

I held back my whinge.

I kept waiting.

Over and over I gave into you.

Then suddenly oh suddenly I became aware

Of that wonderful feeling of “I don’t care”

PS: The funny thing of being able to post this

Is I know you never check my blog

Because on top of being a moron

You are also a self-centered hog 🐗

(C) Slumpless

Gas Light

You met your match, you lit the light

And you didn’t think I shone so bright

So you played me like a cat plays with a mouse

You spat at my house

You thought I had no idea

Your old methods worked before

But I’m not humble brother

I’m not stupid mother

Naive whore.

You knocked on the wrong door.

My brain forms connections while yours lies dormant

I know a serpent when I get bitten once

But I’m the charmer

Not you.

If you need to stick your dick

In other doors ,

Then do it silly

But your balls will get chilly

I’m not the jealous kind

I think you want me to mind.

I think your lies are how you try to control me.

Make me think I’m crazy.

Crazy girl. Crazy girl.

Lucky for me, I know I’m Loco.

But not for you and never because.

Oh there now. Don’t cry those crocodile tears my dear.

It’s ok to be caught out by someone like me.

I’m clever you see ? Not the fool you hoped I’d be.

So do stop your lying

It’s ever so trying.

Kinda boring if I’m honest

You’re turning me off.

Soon there will be no electricity

Just gas light.

(C)Slumpless

Kingdom

There’s a world down there,unaware.

They build kingdoms and homes

They have lives , they thrive.

They kill ,they eat, they screw

They just do.

Instead of looking up for answers we should look down

The benevolent girl who saves the spider

The scared adult who squashes it with his foot

Sometimes there’s reasoning to what we do.

Sometimes.

All the different layers

To whom should they send their prayers ?

Does the ant even notice me when I walk in his dominion?

Or is the anteater the only thing it sees ?

Too small to understand my ways.

Too different to begin to comprehend.

So when I try to decipher the reasons why

I will no longer look up to the sky

The meaning of life the all knowing and seeing

Is animal, plant and human being.

So I suppose even if it’s raining

I’ll try to make myself entertaining

Who knows somewhere for all I know

I’m appearing on a wildlife show.

(C)Slumpless