Away

I wanted to get far away from you child

From your red eyes, your running nose

I wanted to run too.

But away, away, away.

Away from your tears and your brother’s too.

Away from him. Away from you.

I can’t bear it you see?

All that grief. All that pain

I can’t hold it in, can’t explain.

And I feel myself blowing up like those fish.

And it’s not my place to cry.

My father didn’t die.

It’s not mine to take away from you.

Not my sad story this time.

So I must leave.

Not because I don’t want to hold you.

Not because my heart doesn’t ache for your sad eyes

But because my body can’t behave like others and stay calm

Because your grief is mine too

Your loss mine to see and feel

Because he held your hands everyday

As I do my son on the way to school

And because we walked past you every day and waved.

He formed a familiar background to the daily grind.

His eyes were warm, his smile was kind.

So now you know why I must run.

Not for me

I run for you. For your brother. Your mother.

I run away, away, away.

I run from the desolate grief you hold.

I run because you can’t.

I run or else I’ll fold.

(C) Slumpless

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Puppy

I have only a puppy heart

Over-eager

Needs a leash.

It jumped on you as soon as it could

And you pet it for a while

Appreciated its effervescent nature

But that was just for Christmas

And now this heart is in the pound.

Pounding. Pounding. Pounding.

Waiting to come home again.

Waiting for you to play ball.

But time has run out

And I have been put down.

(C) Slumpless

SHRivel

I told you I loved you

While you were still inside me

And I think I felt you shrivel.

Stabbing me with a blunted knife

Oh God the pain.

Why ? Why? Why ?

This compulsion to seek revulsion ?

What do you mean love ?

That’s what you said.

Would the right definition make you say it back ?

It’s too late now. I won’t say it again.

I rolled away from you and left the room. Your house. Your life.

But those pitying eyes … ?

They are all I remember

Of us.

(C) Slumpless

Fluffier Clouds

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You make me interesting.

I remember things I never used to.

Little slivers of pointless information

That you lap up.

All my quirks can be displayed

Delayed

Until the right moment

And I’m all new to you again.

There’s so much of me I want to give

And for once I feel like a well

A fountain

Spluttering forth crystal drops

Of something that restores you.

Makes you whole.

I am only like this with you

You show up the invisible ink in me

The words that others don’t see

You use your fingertips… your tongue

Your lovely mouth whips me into a frenzy

I’m soaring above new clouds

That are fluffier than the last

Is it too fast?

I don’t care.

Because with you, I do.

I dare.

(c) Slumpless

Too Muchness

You’re very aware of your “too muchness” He said.

“Much too much” I replied

I’m much too emotional

Much too intense

Much too mad

Much too sad

It’s all too much you know ?

But for who ? For me ? For you?

What about too less ? Isn’t that worse ?

Much more of a curse?

I suppose he’s right.

I suppose more is better

Then why do I feel less ?

(C)Slumpless

You Planted Flowers

You planted flowers.

There was nothing but concrete and grey

God that grey. Suffocating. Stifling grey.

And wretched looking people and their wretched looking pets

Littered sidewalks

Another siren in the distance.

But you planted flowers.

And I was on the bus

And though you don’t know me

I feel somehow you do.

So please keep them watered

Because it matters .

It matters to me.

(C) Slumpless

Time dies

All I want to do is sleep

Because being without you is being stuck to the hands of a clock

Tick tock.

I feel every second jolt my core

Time isn’t like before.

It used to fly. Remember?

Just yesterday I floated on weightless sand

Upside down in an hourglass

Then right back up again.

Now it’s just circles.

And they never fucking end.

(C)Slumpless