I poured the last shred of myself into getting you back
Dredged the pit and found the last scrap of pride
Withered but worthy of words
Silence. Silence. Silence.
Now I feel absurd.
And I have to question this need for your presence.
This scramble to make you see.
Because when I have you it is not joy in my heart
I am always waiting for you to cast your shadow on my face
For you to spit me out without swallowing.
A connoisseur of vintage whines.
Love me. Love me. Love me.
Ughhh I hate myself more than you could.
Better maybe to stay shut up.
Shut me out.
I think I would.
A trick of the light silly
When you thought you saw a halo
When you felt the piercing heat, smolder the bones of you.
Oh you knew it even then but you ignored the refracted value of the words that lit up your life.
And then when the clouds came
You feigned surprise as though you had forgotten your jacket not cast it aside.
I see goosebumps on your arms and shadows in your hair.
No it’s not fair.
Some can bend the rays to their own devices
While you are left in cold,cold slices.
Ham it up all you want.
Pretend you got a fright.
You knew it all along
The tricks of your delight.
You spoke to the raw, ticking part of me.
The viscous blood that pools in this turbine head
You saw the graves I dig for myself
And you helped me shovel down
The rain in sheets upon our ravaged backs
As we fought the granite masses of the soil.
Toiling. Soiling. Spoiling.
You and I are boiling oil.
We spill over vestments and scorch the eyes that watch.
I cling to your immortal hold on me
Parasite love. Burrow in deep.
I go on forever.
You break the heart of me my love
Cut the soul right out of its skin.
Over. Over.And over
I let you do it it.
This pulsing part on a plate
Sloshed about like a cheap stew
Made cheaper by me.
While I yearn for your expensive smile
The one that only comes out at night.
Me ? My teeth are always on display
Night. Day. I just give it away
As if it means nothing.
Talk is cheap but so is a smile.
And mine is free.
Can I draw the liquid lines of you with my thumbing stroke?
Bleed the sap that I know lingers in the funnel of your heart?
Oh there are ways and means to make your fountain flow
I know most but not all
I will find the waterfall
I strum and hum the tunes that make oblique, the straight lines of your beautiful legs
You beg for more lick and that’s the trick.
Just a breath away.
I’ll stay just a breath away until even a whisper, will send you to simmer
The releasing breaths of a chord too highly strung
Is magic, melody to ears and head that need a patting. A petting.
Wet. Wet. Wetting.
This is a follow on from my previous poem “Add Bliss” . Oh how wrong was I 😀 !!
You can’t even give me two.
You emptied me out.
Gentle and slow.
I didn’t even know.
How could I ?
You’re a thief and sculpture.
Taking truth and shaping it so divine
I couldn’t help but pine..
I’m over you.
I tell myself this silly tale
As tall as what you told me.
But I’m not as good at fibs
And all I can do is cringe.
Over and over at my pathetic need
For you to miss. Miss. Miss me.
Remember our kisses ?
They’ve all turned to hisses.
No bliss. No bliss. Just blood.
Better to hide under a stone
Can a human hibernate ?
I would if I could.
But endless life just gets in the way of what I need.
For sleep. For sleep. For nothing.
Can’t a person just be for fuck’s sake ?
Without the wake ?
Not forever just a while.
Until I can smile…
Or pretend to.