I cannot read others’ emotions
They weigh too heavy on me
The words nestle too long in my sad soul
I cannot take in extra luggage
I cannot carry the heaviness of a thousand writers
All I can do is emit, expel to propel.
I can only hope that a lighter heart can share my burden or at least let my words wash through them.
I am much too much a sieve.
I am too easily spent with others
You wanted me to straddle.
A limb in each corner.
One burning with the uninhibited heat
The other, pale in life’s banal never-ending joke.
You enjoyed the tearing, the pulling apart
Not of my body.
Ah but of my dreams.
Do you know what torn hopes look like ?
They are jagged. Shorn. Shook from their mother’s milken tit.
Left to mew in the icy shadow of your shrug.
But I am made of moss and I flourish where roses die.
I don’t cry.
Not for you, you wicked thing.
Made worse by no awareness of your hacking.
A shears sheds no tears when flowers fall.
But I am no flower.
I am the tower.
So shears to you my dear.
Make sure you look me in the eye.
No not down there. Up. Up in the sky.
I found perturbed slumber in between the craggy folds of an old blanket
Nestled into a dark room wishing it were smaller.
Only a cocoon would do the trick ,
Tighten around me and let me rest while I grew and changed.
Instead I settle for fitful sleep
Where all the lies you ever told
Make me see there was no baseline with you.
“Hello”, could mean anything.
The intent of your very smile
Will keep me wondering.
But only for a while.
I squandered my dreams on you already
And it’s giving me no good answer, no peace.
So I make my own.
No need for you to explain.
I understand more than you think
And I think more than you can ever understand.
I know what you are. Not of my earth or air.
I would dissect you further but I really don’t care.
I will always suffer this sight
That lends itself across time and space
I see fathoms and fault lines
Swirling moonrock in a universe far from ours
I don’t think in minutes. Hours. Centuries.
They mean nothing to me.
I see circles and curls
Whisps of words spoken light years ago
The first laugh into the sky.
The first tear that set the earth alight.
So if I don’t see you tomorrow
Or the next
Don’t look for me with eyes. Don’t search to touch with your fingertips
To kiss me with your lips.
I am something you cannot lose or find
Flowing through you and past you and back again.
Love is not a word that I just uttered.
It is my print on the matrix that binds us .
I do not fall.
I hold it all.
The glass lunchbox I borrowed
Had its own status
Set above the peevish plastic of my own foolish purchases.
He picked it for his lunch
The kids chose it for snacks
Somehow it tasted better.
It shone outside of the dishwasher.
While its counterparts became glum and lost their gloss, it just continued to sparkle.
It was better. Better at everything.
A glimpse into a kitchen where everything had its own seamless role
While mine just melted and lost its shape.
An audience with you
That’s how I feel
All at me.
Ta da.Ta da. Ta daaaa….
Oh wait. Should I clap ?
I’m sorry I zoned out.
Thirty I’s ago.
How am I ?
No you didn’t ask ?
And if you do, I see your eyes glaze over.
Well that’s ok because I’m fine.
I have a mute button too.
And all I see is your mouth.
As if we’re in water.
But where I used to sink.
I now swim upwards for air.
There are those who are not aware
Who gobble up air
Like it was all theirs for the taking
Who take whomping big skips that leave the ground shaking.
They get all up in our space
Right up in your face.
Fuck you. I live here too.
Close your mouth when you chew.
Don’t pick that zit on the bus.
Sweet fucking Jesus !
Stop a minute and see
It’s not just you.
And him. And her.
Not just a blur.
You think therefore you are ?
Or have you not thought that far ?
Well now is the time to open your eyes
See the world not the lies.
This life isn’t a selfie or a pic
So quit being a dick.