I’m not special
I’m just a cushion for you to rest your head.
When I go..I’m dead,
Or as good as.
Oh lonely boy.
You always need to fill the gaps
You’re afraid of your own thoughts.
Sitting alone is not an option for you.
I know it.
I am the same.
But the difference with this soul
Is self control.
I fill the void with other things
Things that won’t hurt you if you find out.
So lonely boy , what’s it going to be ?
Rest for a while on my breast then move on to the next ?
Or are you finally ready to call me home ?
Deal with your demons, I can see them lurking in corners
They play with mine.
But memories are just smoke
And if you breathe out
You can blow them away.
You don’t belong on golden sands
Smiling into the sunset.
You have miles to go on rocky roads
On paths cemented with lies
Disheveled bits of all the hearts you chewed and then spat out
Do you really think the sun will set on your behaviour and rise on your command?
Do you really think you can burn the hand that holds your head on her lap
And ever go back ?
You don’t belong on beaches
In blue waters
With anyone’s daughters.
So stay on rougher ground
Be a hog and sink in mud
Because golden sands are made for the good.
I have figured it out.
I understand Heaven.
It was never trees and water.
It was never your Mother or your long lost daughter.
No. It’s not gurgling brooks and Angels on Lyres
Away from sulfur and brimstone fires.
Heaven is silence.
Golden and complete
Nothing then more… nothing
And then… repeat.
No more whirring thoughts
No more: what if’s and but’s.
Heaven is complete shut down
No worries or pain
It is the eternal slumber
Of your worn out brain.
Barnacles of guilt cling to my underbelly
Ugly protrusions that only I can see
They form the frame of me
This terrible guilt. This terrible guilt.
I wish. I wish. I wish I were a fish.
What’s the point of wishing ?
Better to go fishing.
I’m no ordinary vessel though
I’m tethered to the shore
Forever wanting more
The salty water is furrowing my bow
The seagulls laughing because I hold no plunder
No electricity here.
I hear whales singing or rather I feel it in my neck
My hull.my skull.
Echoes of all the wrongs I ever did
The ones I hid
They re the ones that stick
Gouge them off with a sharp blade ?
You think I haven’t tried?
Water laps at the edges of me. A little acid from a world gone mad for things that never fade.
Eroding my core. Reminding me I’m a wh….
The rope is taking longer to fray
Soon I’ll be a skeleton ship.
Tied at the hip.
Soon I’ll be a frame. Only a frame
With creatures chewing my brain.
Those barnacles though. Well they ‘ll just cling to some other thing. Something good.
Rock not wood.
I’m tossing and turning
Twisted in the memories of you
I just want to be alone so I can savor them
Flavor them with all my nuances.
You licked the core of me
As I read to you.
Your hands stroked me
Over and over like I was made of puppies.
And I think I wagged my tail
Just for your bone.
God I can’t stand not getting you
All the time .
Rapid breaths over and over.
Roll me. Knead me.
I need you.
Feast on moistened flesh
That rises and expands with heat.
I’m in hell until I see you
Again and again and again.
You’re missing a ‘W’ in everything you do
Ork, ant, ill
I can never be your ‘ife’
With just a tinkle in your life.