Is not a casual fling.
Not for me.
I’ll make you see. I will make you love me.
I want the bones of you.
The sleepy iridescent pools of blue
The moving tides of your beautiful blood.
The bad. The good,
I want the unfurling, uncurling length and breadth of you.
I will make you love me.
This heat of mine can’t help but yearn.
It will singe the sockets and pockets of your soul.
I’m more than whore. Isn’t everyone?
You already like me a little.
You’ve already given an inch ..inches.
But in a while .. I’ll get the mile.
What is a biscuit made, without you to taste it?
Sheets changed without you to loll in their fresh glory?
What is a dance in the kitchen
Without you to tease me.. please me.
A walk in the woods
How is it made good?
Tell me this. Tell me more.
I beg. I implore.
I cannot see the point without you.
Lots of dark clouds. No blue.
But sometimes when I stop and taste the soup
Smell the candle burning
I stop yearning.
I forgot to say I love you
Forgot to show you the true blood that runs in these veins.
I omitted to kiss you
My hands hovered close to your back but never made contact.
There was a wall you see?
Between you and me
All the bricks are made of things unsaid and over said
Dig. Dig. Dig.
We built that wall.Made its foundation.
But not side by side
We dug at each other.
The dirt spreading out around us.
When did you move to the other side?
I wish memories were paintings that I could hang on this wall
Then maybe it would fall and so would we.
Back when touching you was as easy as the breeze.
Back to when you were on your knees
But so was I.
And we stared at the sky instead of the stone.
When I didn’t feel alone.
Let’s put away our spades
Let’s stop our excavation
Because all we’ll find are bones
And they’re best left to the soil
Not for us to toil
What are you trying to tell me, universe?
Please speak to me. Make me see.
Just as I think the last drop of him is gone
Just as I pat myself on the back and guzzle down a drink of happiness
Then all my certainty is gone again.
All the things I promised …
Well they just go.
What does he see I wonder?
But if he could look inside.
He would see the the swirling galaxies of my soul
And he would know that there are depths to me
That he chooses to ignore
Chose to shut me out.
But I know enough to try and learn
That from this yearn this never ending burn
There’s something to be gained
I’m being trained
By powers greater than me
And definitely bigger than him.
So I suppose next time he crosses my path
Next time he passes me by.
I won’t just ask why?
But how? And why now?
Maybe then. Just maybe
It will all make sense.
Everything I did was for you, because of you
With you in mind.
Because of the possibility you might be kind.
Might want me again.
And I couldn’t sit still, couldn’t read without your heavy head on my shoulder
And I fought this terrible love
This one-sided thing
While you swayed and danced in the breeze
I was under heavy soil. Out of sun.
But those tears I shed found their way back in
and cracked my sad shell.
And now I am beanstalk and my head is in the clouds
And you are the old cow sold for magic beans.
Can I be a warm balmy evening?
Can I be fresh citrus light?
Can I coat you in apple blossoms
Taste your cherry flavored gum
Just for fun?
Can I breathe out desire and soak in stress
Make life seem less…. just less.
Can my soft skin tip yours so that goosebumps hold you close
Can I be the mosquito that sucks your blood
Both annoying and good
Scratch. Scratch me.
Let me in
Under your skin
All over your mouth.
Let me linger on your fingers
Loll on your nose
In quiet repose.
I can be in all of your senses
All of your dreams
Just wish it so. Wish it true.
So I can be all of those things for you.
That’s the sound of my heart ever since you left.
It heaves as it tries to beat , it splutters and stalls.
Every pump it makes, rattles my bones
Sets my teeth on edge.
I’m running out of fuel.
No air in my tyres.
Here’s to all you liars.
Here’s to all your lies.
I guess I’ve got baggage from here on in.
Plenty of junk in my once empty trunk.