I wrote them for you.
Some of my best work
But you’re not vain just blind
You didn’t think those songs were about you.
And though you felt the sentiments my words evoked
It wasn’t my face you saw
How cruel this world
You told me you were such a fan
And I wanted to say it back.
But I refuse to reveal my muse.
So I watched you dance around the room
A big silly smile on your face
And though my heart was breaking
Crumbling away little by little
My soul knew it was being fed
More melodies than I could ever wish for.
You planted flowers.
There was nothing but concrete and grey
God that grey. Suffocating. Stifling grey.
And wretched looking people and their wretched looking pets
Another siren in the distance.
But you planted flowers.
And I was on the bus
And though you don’t know me
I feel somehow you do.
So please keep them watered
Because it matters .
It matters to me.
All I want to do is sleep
Because being without you is being stuck to the hands of a clock
I feel every second jolt my core
Time isn’t like before.
It used to fly. Remember?
Just yesterday I floated on weightless sand
Upside down in an hourglass
Then right back up again.
Now it’s just circles.
And they never fucking end.
When you’re fighting with everyone and you ask yourself “Is it me ?”
Maybe for once it’s not.
IS an asshole
And you’re finally seeing it.
But if everyone treats you badly
Is it because you let them ?
But if everyone is an asshole…what are you ?
So this is my cross to carry
Love to the bitter,bloody end.
Once you’re in… you’re in.
There’s no getting away.
Only death can stop it.
So I try to choose wisely.
Careful who I let in.
Are you saline or hemlock ?
I ask because you are in the blood of me.
In my cells
So treat me well.
I hear a crow in the distance.
And I wonder what it means?
Caw. Caw. Caw.
Rain. Pain. Rain.
It occurs to me that I am blind
And so are you.
We all are.
We have been given two eyes
Into which we put all our beliefs
And yet we know that our sight is limited
We know but we forget.
I will not call them eyes from now on.
I will call them filters.
To remind me over and over
That what I see, is what I’m allowed to see
That I am blinded by this human form
That I put so much emphasis on what I deem to be true
Based solely on what comes through.
But the universe is bigger, deeper , wider and more full than
The tiny portion of my tiny brain
Will let me imagine.