There’s a word for someone like you
But I haven’t found it yet
What you are is not in my vocabulary
I was never taught the rules by which you play
The map by which you live
There’s a word for you, there has to be
I’m not sure what it is
As I’m not sure what you are.
There’s a whisper on the wind since the first time we kissed
Nar… Nar… Narcissist.
I swallowed my pride
I let you be snide
I bit my tongue. I bit my tongue.
I allowed you to lecture me
I allowed you to scold
As if I was four years old.
I know I’m not perfect.
I’m not perfect.
You can’t help yourself though.
You give with one hand
While your teeth bite away the gift.
Causing a rift.
Another gift. Another rift.
I hate asking for help.
I hate having to beg
I don’t think you mean it
There are a million lessons you need to teach
But it comes out all preach.
Get off that podium.
Speak to me face to face.
Not the disgrace you make me.
You made me.
YOU made me.
Then came the shame
Hot and sharp across my body
I convulsed as I washed the dishes.
How did I let you ever make me feel that way ?
How did I let you think it was ok ?
Fuck you and all you stood for.
Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.
Fuck you and the pain you caused me
The way you paused me
And played me.
Played me like a fool.
But there’s a core of steel in here
And inside that there’s fire.
It keeps burning fucker.
But not for you.
Rest not on your laurels
Always be ready to run or retreat
The hand that fed you and cupped your breast
Can tighten its fingers around your neck.
Your nest may have feathers now
But remember the twigs
Sooner or later they can snap
And so will you and all you built.
So rest easy for now. You’re allowed pause
But always be ready with your get out claws
All over my hands and feet
Stuck to the souls of me
Garbled grumblings of all I could be
If there was a word that should be trodden upon
Could. Could. Cou…
I’m happy enough in mesh.
One egg a day isn’t so bad.
Even if it’s scrambled.
There is a pulsing in the hearth again
That breathes life into the most mundane of things
A child wrapped in a towel
A cat splayed out in the sun
The thud of it all
The pinch of spice into my cauldron
Is all alive with the promise
That day after day after day
It might end the same way
And that my longing for things wild and free
Is right here with me.
I’m pressed up against your atmosphere
Gazing longingly at your world
I want to get closer but
You are miles away and I would kill your air if I got any closer
There are holes in this o zone
And I can’t fill them or pass through
I’m neither here or there
Hot, cold air.
Cold. So cold.
If I look behind me there is endless black
So I stay.
Face squashed against the one thing you can’t live without
And the only thing keeping me here.