I have only a puppy heart
Needs a leash.
It jumped on you as soon as it could
And you pet it for a while
Appreciated its effervescent nature
But that was just for Christmas
And now this heart is in the pound.
Pounding. Pounding. Pounding.
Waiting to come home again.
Waiting for you to play ball.
But time has run out
And I have been put down.
There is only silence when we’re together
In my heart and in my head.
No gaps between us to let echoes bounce and bound.
No slivers of space where splintering whispers can flay my nerves away.
When your skin is on mine
Hush. Hush. Hush.
An occasional hum.
An occasional groan.
But mostly blissful
When we’re alone.
Let’s go out you said
And we were both afraid
You flinched a little.
Outside was the world
Large and absurd
We had our den
Pizza on the bed, coffee on the floor
A little less, a whole lot more
Twisted in bed sheets and things unsaid
Warm with potential.
Outside there were eyes. Wide and surprised.
My oh my and oh how you lied.
So maybe let’s stay in a while longer
The world can wait until we’re a little bit stronger.
I told you I loved you
While you were still inside me
And I think I felt you shrivel.
Stabbing me with a blunted knife
Oh God the pain.
Why ? Why? Why ?
This compulsion to seek revulsion ?
What do you mean love ?
That’s what you said.
Would the right definition make you say it back ?
It’s too late now. I won’t say it again.
I rolled away from you and left the room. Your house. Your life.
But those pitying eyes … ?
They are all I remember
I wrote them for you.
Some of my best work
But you’re not vain just blind
You didn’t think those songs were about you.
And though you felt the sentiments my words evoked
It wasn’t my face you saw
How cruel this world
You told me you were such a fan
And I wanted to say it back.
But I refuse to reveal my muse.
So I watched you dance around the room
A big silly smile on your face
And though my heart was breaking
Crumbling away little by little
My soul knew it was being fed
More melodies than I could ever wish for.
I bit off your flaky scalp
And was mesmerized by the smooth mound of your skull
Underneath all that talk
There was silence.
Should I delve further ?
Lick my way through to your little brain
Would a tumor explain your humor?
I’m looking for something.
A needle in a winding grey matter of mess
An explanation of your stress
I want to bury deep into valve and vein
Just to explain
Just to understand
Some hidden part of you
But all I find are clock parts
Winding, grinding cogs
I suppose at the end of the day
We’re all made that way.
I expected more. More than a void.
But you are just android.
You make me interesting.
I remember things I never used to.
Little slivers of pointless information
That you lap up.
All my quirks can be displayed
Until the right moment
And I’m all new to you again.
There’s so much of me I want to give
And for once I feel like a well
Spluttering forth crystal drops
Of something that restores you.
Makes you whole.
I am only like this with you
You show up the invisible ink in me
The words that others don’t see
You use your fingertips… your tongue
Your lovely mouth whips me into a frenzy
I’m soaring above new clouds
That are fluffier than the last
Is it too fast?
I don’t care.
Because with you, I do.