Smile

Better to hide under a stone

Alone.

Can a human hibernate ?

I would if I could.

But endless life just gets in the way of what I need.

This greed.

For sleep. For sleep. For nothing.

Can’t a person just be for fuck’s sake ?

Without the wake ?

Not forever just a while.

Until I can smile…

Or pretend to.

(C) Slumpless

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Confetti

The sharp, piercing blade of your mouth

Shredded me to confetti

I was airborne. Torn.

Was it better to be scattered though?

Perhaps the pieces of me held together by comfortable glue

Were now going places.

Each tiny, fluttering scrap had eyes to see.

More vision than the old me.

And when this ache of being hacked up fades

All the tiny fragments will return to the fold

And I will be wiser, braver and bold.

(C) Slumpless

Confession

It’s not tidy this depression thing

You can’t wrap me up in cellophane

Mask the pain.

I won’t react or act the way I should

Do the things a proper depressed person could

Slit my wrists or cut my arms

My depression lacks those usual harms.

But I will definitely push you away.

Get angry when you judge my ways.

Because depression isn’t what the leaflet says.

It comes in all sorts of wrapping

A hard crash of the skull or an incessant nagging.

I’m sorry if I can’t be the one you save

By encouraging me to remain brave

By telling me to try to get out of bed

Any advice on how to leave my head?

So let’s call this a true confession

From me to you about my depression

It’s not neat certainly not light

So don’t get annoyed if I don’t get it right.

(C) Slumpless

Hi Tide

It wasn’t just the salt on my skin

The golden shimmer on the rippling shore

It wasn’t my immersion into cool sloshing waves

Nor the sweet grip of the tide on my back.

I lay, bobbing on the ever changing surface

And felt the swell take over me.

It wasn’t just the swimming

It was the giving of myself to a power greater than my limbs could fathom

The surrender to a pull that knows no end

Ruled by moon perhaps but I prefer the tilting theory

A basin tipped by a whirling sphere

A sphere tipped by an unknow hand.

So I dove under.

Forgot the orange peel that had beached me for years

The uneven tone of a too many wobbling folds.

I swam. I swam. I swam.

I was mermaid for a day until the dusky touch of a falling sun

Beckoned me back to shore.

(C)Slumpless

Smart phone

Only smart if you are….I’m not.

I proved that.

I descended into the proverbial rabbit hole

I just couldn’t stop myself. The heat it generated in my skull should keep the battery going for years.

Hours of searching for something I was never even sure existed

By trying to prove to myself I wasn’t crazy … I became just that.

Lock me out. Of it. Of life. Of me.

Off

(C)Slumpless

Alien Ways

I’m diluted by all the opinions I seek

Looking for approval makes me weak.

Who am I really when no one is around?

I’m a blurry mess right now

A pulled pork.

Scratching. Scratching. Scratchings.

I hunt for enlightenment in black holes.

Suck. Sucking. Sucked in.

Nobody gives me the right answer.

Does that mean I’m wrong ?

Or does it mean I’m different ?

Not in a black coat, dark eyeshadow kind of way

But truly alien, from another world.

I know it sounds absurd.

But I don’t want what they want

I have bigger eyes. A bigger head.

Five fingers maybe… but still ..but still

So now I am resolved

To no longer be dissolved

To stay true to my own matter

Block out the pointless chatter

I’ll put the Extra into ET.

Stop waiting for others to agree.

If I really am from another sphere

I’ll make the most of my time here.

(C) Slumpless

Reboot

robot-3010309_1920

I bit off your flaky scalp

And was mesmerized by the smooth mound of your skull

Underneath all that talk

There was silence.

Should I delve further ?

Lick my way through to your little brain

Would a tumor explain your humor?

I’m looking for something.

A needle in a winding grey matter of mess

An explanation of your stress

I want to bury deep into valve and vein

Just to explain

Just to understand

Some hidden part of you

But all I find are clock parts

Winding, grinding cogs

I suppose at the end of the day

We’re all made that way.

I expected more. More than a void.

But you are just android.

(c) Slumpless