Bring me cider and crisps
And those little biscuits I love
I want to sit by the river
And drink like we used to.
Run your fingertips up my arm
Just to the top of my shoulder
Each day getting bolder
And kiss like we used to.
Let the sun burn my neck
What the heck ?
I was destined to leave either way.
Let us lie side by side
In the meadow deep and wild
Look me in the eyes and pretend we have forever
Just like we used to.
Please, like we used to.
You won’t live forever.
No one is made for all those eyes
Boring into the soul of you
So that all you are is a fragment
Of what you once were.
You can only go downhill
Compete with the old you.
The face at least.
Because they won’t see your growth
Just the lines etched on your skin
And your desperate attempts to plump them out.
Make yourself stay in the light.
For who are you really when the screen is off?
When no one is looking?
Soon they won’t care and you will have to answer that question.
All on your own.
Have you grown?
Or are you just over the hill?
It will eat you up
It will swallow you up
Careful now because you will appear the same
But inside you will be gone.
The old you.
The light you. The bright you.
You keep skirting the edges and you will get sucked in.
But this time the worm will be gone
And you will be suspended
I will not let these four walls rule me
So that a speck of dust becomes the fulcrum around which my lonely life pivots.
I will not shine this prison until it gleams
Because then only stains will come.
I will keep gazing out the window
Hoping that it’s not the end for me.
That there must be more than never-ending folding
I refuse to gape a wide toothy grin when you come in,
Hint at perfection to distract from cracks that appear in corners.
I will be blemished and brave
So take me as I am.
Just take me.
Out of here. Out of fear.
These walls are made of sturdy bricks
And I am already plastered.
When I find myself in the midst of groggy strife.
When I can’t even see the sky for the black
I listen. I listen.
To the thumping drum ,the melodic hum.
It resonates with my soul
Takes the dust from my eyes
Lets me see heaven.
So when I feel choked with life’s regrets and woes
When all I see is darkness.
The cure. The fix.The trick.
Is music, music,music.
There’s a word but I cannot find it
For the things you do to me.
For the weaving, heaving breaths that you bestow
It’s on the tip of my tongue
Just like you.
A lick, a flick away.
There’s a word that I search for to understand
To make tangible even with only my mouth.
I’m sure if I try to utter it
It will fumble and tumble, rise and fall
Just like you. Just like me.
There’s a word made of a million kisses and slaps to the face
Of cracks to the heart
Then soothing embrace
There’s a word for you and me, for us.
There’s a word. There is.
But I cannot find it.