Bring me cider and crisps
And those little biscuits I love
I want to sit by the river
And drink like we used to.
Run your fingertips up my arm
Just to the top of my shoulder
Each day getting bolder
And kiss like we used to.
Let the sun burn my neck
What the heck ?
I was destined to leave either way.
Let us lie side by side
In the meadow deep and wild
Look me in the eyes and pretend we have forever
Just like we used to.
Please, like we used to.
You won’t live forever.
No one is made for all those eyes
Boring into the soul of you
So that all you are is a fragment
Of what you once were.
You can only go downhill
Compete with the old you.
The face at least.
Because they won’t see your growth
Just the lines etched on your skin
And your desperate attempts to plump them out.
Make yourself stay in the light.
For who are you really when the screen is off?
When no one is looking?
Soon they won’t care and you will have to answer that question.
All on your own.
Have you grown?
Or are you just over the hill?
It will eat you up
It will swallow you up
Careful now because you will appear the same
But inside you will be gone.
The old you.
The light you. The bright you.
You keep skirting the edges and you will get sucked in.
But this time the worm will be gone
And you will be suspended
I will not let these four walls rule me
So that a speck of dust becomes the fulcrum around which my lonely life pivots.
I will not shine this prison until it gleams
Because then only stains will come.
I will keep gazing out the window
Hoping that it’s not the end for me.
That there must be more than never-ending folding
I refuse to gape a wide toothy grin when you come in,
Hint at perfection to distract from cracks that appear in corners.
I will be blemished and brave
So take me as I am.
Just take me.
Out of here. Out of fear.
These walls are made of sturdy bricks
And I am already plastered.
When I find myself in the midst of groggy strife.
When I can’t even see the sky for the black
I listen. I listen.
To the thumping drum ,the melodic hum.
It resonates with my soul
Takes the dust from my eyes
Lets me see heaven.
So when I feel choked with life’s regrets and woes
When all I see is darkness.
The cure. The fix.The trick.
Is music, music,music.
There’s a word but I cannot find it
For the things you do to me.
For the weaving, heaving breaths that you bestow
It’s on the tip of my tongue
Just like you.
A lick, a flick away.
There’s a word that I search for to understand
To make tangible even with only my mouth.
I’m sure if I try to utter it
It will fumble and tumble, rise and fall
Just like you. Just like me.
There’s a word made of a million kisses and slaps to the face
Of cracks to the heart
Then soothing embrace
There’s a word for you and me, for us.
There’s a word. There is.
But I cannot find it.
I longed for you through inky night and harsh sunlight
I called on the stars to help me.
I summoned the winds to bring you near.
My every thought was spattered with you
Scattered by you.
Your effervescent tongue had awakened every nerve.
I felt flooded by your spirit
Engulfed by your soul.
And then it stopped.
And you called.
I fought the fight
Then saw the light
In a million drops of rain
Each perfect and sharp
Each pointed at my heart.
You squandered this clown.
Your mean frown
Shows no pity for silly things
For imperfect creatures.
For uncertain features.
Oh to be you, so sure and strong
So full of conviction with your pretentious diction.
You stand in the door , while desperate creatures like me
Try to see
Try to catch a glance
A second chance.
Am I out of chances friend?
Is this really the end?
Have I used them all up ?
Been a chance slut?
I suppose I have and this really is it
It’s a pity you turned out to be such a
I followed the wind today
If it can make haste
Then so must I.
I rode its unpredictable back
An elemental goddess in my prime.
I moved with the leaves
Swept willingly along the path.
They danced jigs around my feet, my head
I was crowned their Queen.
Me? A Queen!
I felt all the power of the gusts inside me.
A whirling dervish, hovering above ground
Nothing but the sound of leaf adulation
Oh what a sound!
Yesterday I trudged through mud
Pulled my collar up against the draught
Sighed as the leaves stuck to my shoes.
Heard nothing but howling.
But today at last I will not freeze
I will harness the power of that wonderful breeze.
Can I draw the liquid lines of you with my thumbing stroke?
Bleed the sap that I know lingers in the funnel of your heart?
Oh there are ways and means to make your fountain flow
I know most but not all
I will find the waterfall
I strum and hum the tunes that make oblique, the straight lines of your beautiful legs
You beg for more lick and that’s the trick.
Just a breath away.
I’ll stay just a breath away until even a whisper, will send you to simmer
The releasing breaths of a chord too highly strung
Is magic, melody to ears and head that need a patting. A petting.
Wet. Wet. Wetting.
There is only silence when we’re together
In my heart and in my head.
No gaps between us to let echoes bounce and bound.
No slivers of space where splintering whispers can flay my nerves away.
When your skin is on mine
Hush. Hush. Hush.
An occasional hum.
An occasional groan.
But mostly blissful
When we’re alone.