“This too shall pass”
That’s what they say.
But they haven’t felt one of my minutes
Lived in my skin.
What time is it ? Nearly there ?
My life is crawling, sprawling.
Every half breath takes longer than your sighs.
I can’t see the light.
Not when my immersion is absolute.
Sublime darkness some might say…
Squid ink in my pores.
I’m suffocating but not because of silence.
Every word you ever uttered is pinned to my every inch.
Pinch. Pinch. Pinch.
I’m edging my way forwards but it hurts like hell.
I’ll never do this again.
I poured the last shred of myself into getting you back
Dredged the pit and found the last scrap of pride
Withered but worthy of words
Silence. Silence. Silence.
Now I feel absurd.
And I have to question this need for your presence.
This scramble to make you see.
Because when I have you it is not joy in my heart
I am always waiting for you to cast your shadow on my face
For you to spit me out without swallowing.
A connoisseur of vintage whines.
Love me. Love me. Love me.
Ughhh I hate myself more than you could.
Better maybe to stay shut up.
Shut me out.
I think I would.
Stop. I need to stop.
When my heart steals away in the night
Time travelling back to your hands in my hair
I need to quench this thirst for memories
I am laden down with heavy baskets full of the past.
How can I move when every finger is weighed down?
I trudge through the days without you.
And I think I must have seen myself back then when you held me in the night.
I’m pretty sure it was me , sitting in corner looking sad.
But how do I do it ?
Learn, when all I do is yearn ?
Smile without wincing?
Is there a potion made to numb ?
Now I understand gin.
I’m glass and always was and you’re the stone that landed in this vessel.
Tomorrow is another day..
You break the heart of me my love
Cut the soul right out of its skin.
Over. Over.And over
I let you do it it.
This pulsing part on a plate
Sloshed about like a cheap stew
Made cheaper by me.
While I yearn for your expensive smile
The one that only comes out at night.
Me ? My teeth are always on display
Night. Day. I just give it away
As if it means nothing.
Talk is cheap but so is a smile.
And mine is free.
I will put holes in your clouds
And trenches in your doubt
Today you will see that I want nothing but you.
You can do as you please
I’m on my knees.
I told you it was forever
But most people don’t mean it my way.
There’s no highway. No wave goodbye.
I am the air you cannot see
The dust that settles lightly on your shoes
Use. Use. Used.
I’m used to it.
So run and push.
There’s nowhere for you to go.
I am sand and snow.
Tree, bird, mamal, fish
Do as you wish.
My love will not be killed
Even if my blood is spilled.
I don’t know jealousy
I don’t know hate.
This is what it means to be my soul
So cry. Whimper. Laugh
You are half.
I am other.
Souls from the same Mother.
Cut from the same star.
Dig deep you sad little thing
Find that flutter, buried under hard concrete.
It’s in there… somewhere.
What does it take, to make the earth shake ?
For you ?
Is it fire that gets you going
Or do prefer ice ?
You’ve forgotten I know
We all do.
So keep digging my friend.
Keep going through rock, sand and shale
You might fail. Or you might find seed
The one that needs the light.
The one you thought was dead.
The one buried in a hole.
Deep. Deep within your soul.
Splatter. The blood dripped from my nose
Onto the white paper covered in words
And now the essence of me.
Folded into pages. The coursing part of me.
Is it real ? Are we brothers bound in blood ?
Can the tiny trail I leave behind
Serve to remind
The world of my existence ?
Will a girl read these pages and crinkle her nose?
As I crinkle mine to keep from overflowing.
Do I matter ?
Blood on a page can last longer than in my veins.
Passed from hand to hand through the ages
Life on pages.