Thanks you guys
You have taught me well
This messing me around shit
Has given me Hell.
Will he reply ? Will he text?
What’s happening now ?
What happens next?
Thanks y’all for making me feel crazy
The last few years are somewhat hazy
Constant confusion , up and down moods
Wondering how anyone could be so rude?
But still I thank you
Because now you see
I too can be a player
Not just a playee.
This karma thing it really works
So lashings of gratitude to all you jerks.
All I want to do is sleep
Because being without you is being stuck to the hands of a clock
I feel every second jolt my core
Time isn’t like before.
It used to fly. Remember?
Just yesterday I floated on weightless sand
Upside down in an hourglass
Then right back up again.
Now it’s just circles.
And they never fucking end.
I’m pressed up against your atmosphere
Gazing longingly at your world
I want to get closer but
You are miles away and I would kill your air if I got any closer
There are holes in this o zone
And I can’t fill them or pass through
I’m neither here or there
Hot, cold air.
Cold. So cold.
If I look behind me there is endless black
So I stay.
Face squashed against the one thing you can’t live without
And the only thing keeping me here.
Big old lumps of love when you hugged me.
Dollops of it when we kiss
Did I dream it all ?
Did I imagine your hands holding my face ?
Your nose in my hair ?
Did I? Be fair.
Or do I weave tall tales where reality fails?
So I made a pointless expression of love.
The words kneaded out of my mouth by your persistent caresses.
Was it a selfish thing?
When I know nothing would change.
And deep down you wouldn’t return the favour?
I admire the honesty of your words
But your body lies. To me. With me.
So which is it?
Your body or your mouth?
Neither? Either? Both?
I won’t say it again.
Forgive my child-like warble
This babbling heart has met rock it cannot erode
But it won’t flood.
It will just meander.
There I am !
Good to see me again
I was in the trees all along!
Not under the duvet
No matter how hard I looked
How deeply I burrowed.
Ah look! I’m so pretty when I smile.
So nice to see the cold, give blush to my cheeks
Why do I forget this every year ?
Grey days send me under cover
Ah but when the sun shines
I find myself
Out and about
Glowing just like that familiar friend
There were three magpies fluttering in the sky
Three for me.
Every aspect of me is sensitive
The rubbing of a sock on my little toe
My innards if I ingest unsuitable morsels
Every speck is on hurt alert
It’s no wonder that
As I tread carefully
Then so must you
Every word you utter or don’t
Every touch you give or withhold
Can be beautiful fire or barbed wire
I’m not in between so please don’t be
Love me gently but with strength behind it
Gentle pressure. No sharp digs.
I’m not saying I’m covered in cotton wool
But I ought to be.
So easy there tiger before you rub
You are all grown but I’m just a cub.
I remember everything.
Everything you said
Over and over in my head
Like a gramophone gone rogue
I would be highly accomplished were you an encyclopedia
I could recite you back to front
Instead I hold the secrets of you quiet
Let them burn holes in my pockets
I am wealthy with you
Loaded with the jewels of your soul
I have read the lines on your skin a million times.
Then why do I feel so stupid ?