I told you I loved you
While you were still inside me
And I think I felt you shrivel.
Stabbing me with a blunted knife
Oh God the pain.
Why ? Why? Why ?
This compulsion to seek revulsion ?
What do you mean love ?
That’s what you said.
Would the right definition make you say it back ?
It’s too late now. I won’t say it again.
I rolled away from you and left the room. Your house. Your life.
But those pitying eyes … ?
They are all I remember
Can I be a warm balmy evening?
Can I be fresh citrus light?
Can I coat you in apple blossoms
Taste your cherry flavored gum
Just for fun?
Can I breathe out desire and soak in stress
Make life seem less…. just less.
Can my soft skin tip yours so that goosebumps hold you close
Can I be the mosquito that sucks your blood
Both annoying and good
Scratch. Scratch me.
Let me in
Under your skin
All over your mouth.
Let me linger on your fingers
Loll on your nose
In quiet repose.
I can be in all of your senses
All of your dreams
Just wish it so. Wish it true.
So I can be all of those things for you.
This is what I’m made for
To float like dandelion seeds in the wind
To dream of your tongue on my navel
To taste the sap
To sip from your tap
This is what I’m born for
To crave your skin
To long for you to be in
And around and around.
I will linger and linger
For the tip of your finger
Like a seal on rock
To feel your ….
I’m lava now
Hot and molten
Waiting to erupt.
‘Just one night’ he said ‘And then no more’
It hasn’t happened but I feel like a whore.
‘Just one time.. she won’t find out.’
It hasn’t happened but he’s still a lout.
‘But no more contact, no more texts
This is not a relationship
Just merely sex’.
Does he know I’m human
That I have heart?
Was I not clear about it from the start?
I have feelings and if we shag
He’ll throw me away like a dirty rag.
I’ll want it to be special
I’ll want it to be more
But I’ll be left lying at the door.
So he really thinks I want a one night stand?
I’d rather use my own right hand.
Oh silken longing
You wove your way between us
And the heat we felt was like no other
Thick and unctuous.
Killing us kindly.
We followed it to hell and
Now we spin in sulfurous steam
Flayed and splayed.
A fire that will never turn to cinder
Never return to sender.
I am writing this post to highlight the effect contraceptive pills can have on your mental health. Ladies I’m not dissuading you from contraception but rather asking you to be aware of the effects it can have on your moods and not be afraid to try various options until you find the right one. ‘May cause mood swings’ sounds so benign but based on my personal experiences those mood swings can make you and break you:
It’s just a pill.. try it and see
But that pill could break me
The world can turn black on that little white sphere
You don’t understand?
You’ve seen ‘The Matrix’?
Well it’s the same… ish
I mean this pill has powers to change my world
To remove the illusion of the life I lead
It can create pools of bubbling anger I never knew I had
Make the green eyed monster appear.
But I’m no ‘Neo’
When I’m in it , I can’t fight.
Can’t see the light.
So no it’s not just a pill
It’s not just a mood swing
It’s is the pendulum and I am in the pit.
Let me wrap you in sublime
Clothe you in caresses
Let every inch of you be enveloped
Every particle developed
Let me know all the ways that make your skin shiver
Let me be giver.
Swim in your river.
I can tell that you’re ready
This lust is ever heady
Don’t try and be strong
This isn’t wrong.
I love to give.
You won’t die, I promise.
But you will certainly