‘I’m great thanks, I really think I have a handle on it, this time.’
I smiled and hoped she wouldn’t see the lack of twinkle in my eye
The lack of soul. It had gone away for the day.
Nothing happening here.
I was a shell on a chair.
All I could do was stare.
She has pity and I feel shitty.
I don’t want to seem weak… bleak.
I only give the tip of the berg
But there are mountains in this deep sea
To get to the real me.
Unexplored and dark.
Better leave it alone.
Don’t you think ?
Better not to sink.
Stay afloat. Stay afloat.
‘I’m fine thanks’.
What a beautiful cloak those words are.
I nestle into them well.
But underneath I’m naked.
It’s beginning again…
That uncertainty about whether you’re feeling it too.
I can swear you looked sad when I was leaving
But maybe that’s just me?
Can it ever be ?
For once you have more to lose than I do.
My boundaries are always blurred
Something tells me yours are more defined
My intentions were pure … are?
But the shift was sudden in the gloom
And I felt the heat emanate from me into the room.
You must have felt it. Others have felt it before.
I swear I’m not a whore.
You know what I’m like
So you were expecting this.
I was too if I’m honest.
You have been healing me
But in doing so, have brought about a new sickness
One that leaves me sweating in the night
Wondering. Longing. Hoping.
Wretched once more.