A lie is an airbubble.
Small and insignificant in the grand scheme of things
But in my skin
It goes to the heart.
This beating ball of mush not muscle.
What does it feel like this toy ?
You play with its softness much too much
But a lump will form.
A callous from your callousness
Borne of things unsaid and left to fester in this tangled web of all the things I can only doubt.
I screamed once but now my blood is pooled and cooled and I can only whimper and even that is hushed.
“Oh well.” You said “That’s just the way I am.”
And I suppose I can’t blame the gun when I know it was made of others hands.
Let me not become your weapon.
Let me not shoot indiscriminately because I have been cut.
Bend the butt.
Turn inwards in retrospect and be better this time.
“And which did you love the most?”They say
While I lie on my death bed this Autumn day
“I loved them all.” I do reply
“Although it changed, it didn’t die.
I loved his eyes , the other’s hair
Each had their own unique flair
They were all my loves they were all my souls
Filling needs and gaping holes
“But how can you share?”They always ask ?
“Is this not truly an impossible task?”
Impossible only because society made it so
One must come the other go
If I could have had them all I would
It doesn’t mean I’m up to no good
This regret that I let each one away
Because “sharing love is not ok”
I wish.. I wish, I kept them all
Because I think it is possible to fall
For not just one soul but a whole lot more
This does not make me a heartless whore!
I love them all. I always will.
This beating heart is suddenly still
But this light inside that they all lit
Will never stop. Will never quit.
Now I’m free of this mortal coil
The rules up here are much less toil
I can love as many as I need
It’s seen as positive, not as greed
I can hold his hand while I hug the next
Nobody here seems perplexed
A woman is capable of great great things
None are tied to wedding rings
This loving art can seem quite daunting
But it makes me too busy for ghostly haunting
“Ah but tell the truth if you had to pick
Through hell and highwater through thin and thick
There must be one you love the most
while alive or now a ghost?”
Well yes I admit there’s one whose soul
Was closest to my very own
But I stand by the rest and urge you to consider
That this monogamous life is quite a hinder
All the cheating all the lies
Are unnecessary if one just tries
To be more open to other ways
Of loving humans throughout our days
So little by little it won’t be quick
Dismantle this construct brick by brick
If it doesn’t hurt , it doesn’t harm
Then really it shouldn’t cause such alarm
Don’t wait to die to open your heart
Do it now ,make a start.
Do you hear me in the depths of night
When I whisper your name ?
You must feel those words of longing pulse their way into your dreams.
How else can you explain the reasons you wake up in the dark ?
I’m all the way over here my dear
But whispers fly through time
Driven by a thumping clock that knows no distance.
I won’t let you sleep
I won’t let you sleep.
You make me interesting.
I remember things I never used to.
Little slivers of pointless information
That you lap up.
All my quirks can be displayed
Until the right moment
And I’m all new to you again.
There’s so much of me I want to give
And for once I feel like a well
Spluttering forth crystal drops
Of something that restores you.
Makes you whole.
I am only like this with you
You show up the invisible ink in me
The words that others don’t see
You use your fingertips… your tongue
Your lovely mouth whips me into a frenzy
I’m soaring above new clouds
That are fluffier than the last
Is it too fast?
I don’t care.
Because with you, I do.
What are you trying to tell me, universe?
Please speak to me. Make me see.
Just as I think the last drop of him is gone
Just as I pat myself on the back and guzzle down a drink of happiness
Then all my certainty is gone again.
All the things I promised …
Well they just go.
What does he see I wonder?
But if he could look inside.
He would see the the swirling galaxies of my soul
And he would know that there are depths to me
That he chooses to ignore
Chose to shut me out.
But I know enough to try and learn
That from this yearn this never ending burn
There’s something to be gained
I’m being trained
By powers greater than me
And definitely bigger than him.
So I suppose next time he crosses my path
Next time he passes me by.
I won’t just ask why?
But how? And why now?
Maybe then. Just maybe
It will all make sense.
Everything I did was for you, because of you
With you in mind.
Because of the possibility you might be kind.
Might want me again.
And I couldn’t sit still, couldn’t read without your heavy head on my shoulder
And I fought this terrible love
This one-sided thing
While you swayed and danced in the breeze
I was under heavy soil. Out of sun.
But those tears I shed found their way back in
and cracked my sad shell.
And now I am beanstalk and my head is in the clouds
And you are the old cow sold for magic beans.
Can I be a warm balmy evening?
Can I be fresh citrus light?
Can I coat you in apple blossoms
Taste your cherry flavored gum
Just for fun?
Can I breathe out desire and soak in stress
Make life seem less…. just less.
Can my soft skin tip yours so that goosebumps hold you close
Can I be the mosquito that sucks your blood
Both annoying and good
Scratch. Scratch me.
Let me in
Under your skin
All over your mouth.
Let me linger on your fingers
Loll on your nose
In quiet repose.
I can be in all of your senses
All of your dreams
Just wish it so. Wish it true.
So I can be all of those things for you.