I won’t go where you want me to. Won’t lie where you think I will.
I am always on the sill.
I will stand on your shoulders and when you can no longer bear it
I will take hold of a branch and climb like an ape.
Up, up, up, I will go.
You’re too slow
You can’t hold on,you see?
I am earth and sky.
I walk. I fly.
Unable to be pinned.
Tuna not tinned.
To swim in the sea.
Animal. Cannibal. Bird.
I move with the herd.
You lag behind my friend.
I’m not saying it’s the end.
It’s definitely not the beginning.
Somewhere in the middle.
Somewhere wild and open
Don’t ruin it with ‘hopin’.
(c)Slumpless(originally posted 30.03.17)
Be careful with me
I have a heart that knows no limits
A soul that will search for embers in every cavity of you
Long after the fire dies out.
Because it has already begun
That gentle drum
Louder and faster
Until it hums and I float mid-air
Waiting for your nectar.
Don’t play with light
If you can’t take the glare.
Careful lover. Careful.
I have a bellyful of you but I still want more.
I swallowed my pride
I let you be snide
I bit my tongue. I bit my tongue.
I allowed you to lecture me
I allowed you to scold
As if I was four years old.
I know I’m not perfect.
I’m not perfect.
You can’t help yourself though.
You give with one hand
While your teeth bite away the gift.
Causing a rift.
Another gift. Another rift.
I hate asking for help.
I hate having to beg
I don’t think you mean it
There are a million lessons you need to teach
But it comes out all preach.
Get off that podium.
Speak to me face to face.
Not the disgrace you make me.
You made me.
YOU made me.
Then came the shame
Hot and sharp across my body
I convulsed as I washed the dishes.
How did I let you ever make me feel that way ?
How did I let you think it was ok ?
Fuck you and all you stood for.
Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.
Fuck you and the pain you caused me
The way you paused me
And played me.
Played me like a fool.
But there’s a core of steel in here
And inside that there’s fire.
It keeps burning fucker.
But not for you.
When in the middle of palpable desire
It is hard to imagine how anyone’s fire
can be set alight by anything other than want and wanting.
I quit that need.
I wish to move to less flaming coals
The ones that keep me warm but do not singe my lashes.
I have surfed the wave of molton rock and burnt my feet
I reached pinnacles that left my hair full of stars
As my breath became part of Saturn’s rings.
All these things… fuelled me and kept me shining
The love , the loss, the pining
And so on and so on.
But now my roots prefer the earth to be steady
And although I still sway with the wind , I am not taken with it.
I am no longer taken, no longer shaken.
A match is no good for a tree
You were no good for me.
Everyone should have a tree in a field somewhere
The one you would run to when the world turns black
The one in the meadow you pass on the train each day
which reminds you that some things are always still.
That in all the rush there is hush. There is lush.
I have a tree.
It’s boughs just right for hanging my coat
Its leaves gentle enough to give me shade but not block out the sun.
One day I will get off a stop early
One day I will clamber over the fence into that field.
One day I will lie there with nothing but a chirping to add sound to my sad day.
One day. Not today
Rest not on your laurels
Always be ready to run or retreat
The hand that fed you and cupped your breast
Can tighten its fingers around your neck.
Your nest may have feathers now
But remember the twigs
Sooner or later they can snap
And so will you and all you built.
So rest easy for now. You’re allowed pause
But always be ready with your get out claws
Don’t project your squalid being onto me
Your no good agenda has not its carbon copy in my book.
There are those of us with no ungodly pursuit
Just a need to breathe.
Try it my dear. Have no fear.
There are only a few with bladed hands
The rest ? We just do our best.
Do not show your fangs because you were bitten once
Do not transfer the disease that is distrust
We will all be dust
So do not push me to the bottom of pool
Don’t lose your cool
Rise above without corpses in your wake
For goodness sake.
And when you fly it will be with wings not a flailing , borne of ill winds.
Let yourself be loved. Let yourself be loved.
We all deserve a crown
Don’t let yours be thorns
Let yourself be loved.
Love’s fat weight is resting in my torso
A lolloping dollop of a hefty heart
Much too much to carry .
All the fat of yesterday’s joy so entrenched in coronory tract,
That I require a stent.
A scratching off.
A bludgeoning of debris too hardened to come away in the night.
Yours is glass.
Rubbed away easy.
A crime without grime.
Can I change mine now for a lighter model ?
One that beats with ease ?
Pretty please ?
Plastic fantastic or maybe elastic ?
Either way not lead, not filled with dread
Can I have yours instead ?
I’m rich in claw
Full to brim in cling
Taste the salt of life
In the this little pool of mine.
I’m overflowing with it all
Your hands will tip me
Your tongue will push.
Make me burble.
Go with the flow.
I used to melt
I was puddle to your shining light
Now I all I see is the sun bouncing off your head
Your mysterious smile
Was just a sneer.
How strange !
How my heart deceived me.
I used to feel.
I think my brain vibrated to every beat of your heart
When I must have believed you had one.
Now it’s just static.
But what a delight. What a delicious relief
My body moves to its own beat, its own heat.
Now if I fall it’s only for a real rock. Not a stone.
Bring me cider and crisps
And those little biscuits I love
I want to sit by the river
And drink like we used to.
Run your fingertips up my arm
Just to the top of my shoulder
Each day getting bolder
And kiss like we used to.
Let the sun burn my neck
What the heck ?
I was destined to leave either way.
Let us lie side by side
In the meadow deep and wild
Look me in the eyes and pretend we have forever
Just like we used to.
Please, like we used to.